Showing posts from August, 2008

Lost tribe in Amazon and its Indian connection

We managed to locate a member of the lost tribe whose existence was reported in papers sometime back. This guy was lost and searching for food and water when we found him. We managed to interview him and heres the exclusive:

How is life in the jungle, cut off from all forms of civilization?

Life is pretty tough here. Sometimes you see our internet speeds drop below 2 MBPS and then it becomes tough to download those songs.

You have internet here?

Hey, what did you think we are in some primitive place or something? We often browse the web for all sorts of things – including knowing about our friends in different parts of the world. Some of them are in some place called parliament in your country.

You mean you have relatives there?

No silly, they were a bunch of jokers who were too primitive and uncivilized to be part of our cultured and learned tribe, so we banished them and they escaped to different parts of the world. I see so many of them on your television news channels.

That’s interest…

Fake currency academy to come up in Pakistan

Pakistan has today proudly announced the establishment of an institute of excellence to study various methods of preparing and disbursing fake currency notes of various nations. The institute, to be established in the garrison town of Rawalpindi, will house the sharpest minds in the world of fake currency production in Pakistan and will teach batches of students all they need to know about the trade.

“Others are worried about establishing institutes of technology and science, we only believe in fake currency notes. Also why should we invest in something original when everything about our country- including the philosophy behind its creation, the government, democracy, the armed forces, the society and even the education system are all fake,” asked General Fakeshir, head of the fake currency wing of ISI.

Pakistan is believed to be investing heavily in this project that will initially be targeted at India and then other nations. Tinpot Pakistani dictator Musharaf went a step ahead and …

Bush's exclusive interview

Bush is on his way out. In a few months the man would be nothing, but a memory in the minds of many, though he has left an ineffaceable mark of his legacy on the White House. We met the dude in his Texas ranch and asked a few questions. Heres the exclusive interview conducted just for you.

RS: In a few months, you will be leaving office, any regrets? Do you feel that there was something you could have done, but couldn’t do?

Dubya: Yeah, plenty of things are there on my list. Many of these things can actually be executed by my successor, so I am not overtly worried. My biggest regret is to have not met superheroes like Batman, Superman and Spiderman.

RS: Are you serious? I mean what about Laden, Al Qaeda and Iraq etc?

Dubya: As I said, these are things even my successor could take care off. The reason why I entered White House is to meet these noble men (superheroes) and find out how they work. I have always wanted to meet them. Imagine how disappointed I was when the CIA told me that t…

Exporting suitcase politics

Newly elected members of Pakistani national assembly have requested their Indian counterparts to teach them the ways of suitcase politics. Pakistan, which is already trying to ape India in diverse fields like cinema, education, science, information technology and countless others is now ready to copy India in governance.

Speaking to press on the occasion of the country’s 61 Independence day, National assembly speaker Dr. Fahmida Mirza claimed that the upcoming Musharaf impeachment drama will witness massive horse trading. “When that (horse trading) happens, we don’t want our MPs to be sold for a pittance. I’d rather have our guys get what they deserve or more than that,” he said. Applauding the large scale trading that happens in India, Fahmida observed that the Indian MPs had become experts in selling themselves for astronomical prices and this was yet to happen in his country.

Sardar Anees Khan, a member of the lower wing of national assembly is in complete agreement with Fah…

Crooked neta on facebook ;)

The other day I was doing my routine net surfing, when I stumbled upon the profile of a neta on a popular social networking site. Read on to see what the dude has to say about himself and his profession.

Name: Chavvani Lal

Profession: Politician (slime ball)

Current city: New Delhi

Friends: Charles Sob-raj, Dr. Kidney, Mayawathi, Shiboo Soren, Nick Leeson, Ketan Parikh, Ghooskor, Chaipani...view all.

Network groups:Drug runners, kick back seekers, back stabbers, we are always on sale, arms dealers, money launderers, Urea scam, Tihar needs a makeover...view all.

Chavvani and Pungee Lal are now friends; Chavvani found Pungee using the “crooks you may know” tool

Chavvani has become entangled in Urea scam

Dr. Kidney has given a bribe to Chavvani. To bribe Chavani, click here.

Chavani has joined the “we get so many kickbacks, but are still broke group”

Chavvani has added the “how to fix a bribe” game

Chavvani has added the “hafta vasooli” application

Chavvani is a fan of Chota Dawood

Status: C…

Oil’s not well with OPEC

Sheikh Pungee heads the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries or OPEC. This bunch has off late held the entire world to ransom with oil prices touching a record high of $ 150 a barrel. We caught up with the dude in his plush villa in Dubai. Heres the exclusive interview:

RS: Sheikh, what the rationale behind the rising oil prices? How can you arbitrarily increase prices for no rhyme or reason? Are you aware that your activities are leading to inflation-related crises in various parts of the world?

SP: I am aware. But you must understand that its not OPEC that controls oil prices. It’s the speculators who trade them at various exchanges that do the dirty work. As far as inflation is concerned, who knows it better than me? The other day my fifth wife asked me for my platinum card to tank up her 7th SUV. It is becoming quite difficult to maintain my fleet of 275 vehicles. Infact I am unable to maintain all my 10 wives…

RS: Then why don’t you do something about it? You can stop supp…

Obit for a corrupt politician

Obit for a corrupt politician

In the years to come, Indians may adapt to corruption around them and may infact revel in it. The country moving up the ladder in the Transparency International ratings on corruption may be greeted with great applause and bribes may be legalized. We take you on a journey to such a time in the future and present the obituary of a politician Chavvani Lal, who has just passed away during such times.

Crimes of India; Aug 10, XXXX

New Delhi: There are corrupt politicians and then there are some who have attained nirvana in the world of corruption. Chavvani lal, born in a rural family in a non descript village in Western UP was one such guru. He was an outstanding student since his school days. Chavvani Lal often bunked his classes to bolster his belief that true learning cannot be imparted within the confines of a school. He never believed in textual knowledge relying instead on bollywood fare to teach him about the ways of the ordinary mortal. The shrewd dude…

Puppyda's hollywood foray

Crystal Ball
Rating *** 1/2

Set in the year 2012, this movie revolves around a CIA agent and a nuke briefcase.
Misha (Jessica Alba) is a covert CIA agent attached to the US embassy in Belarus tasked with protecting a nuclear briefcase. When the weapon goes missing, she is given 72 hours by the CIA to locate it and bring it to NATO HQ in Brussels.

After trying her luck with diverse humnit and technit sources, Misha gets desperate as all her plans to recover the weapon reach a dead-end. Finally a close friend asks her to contact a remote viewing (RV) expert, used by CIA in the late 70s for its then active RV project.

The expert, Dudeson (Puppy Lahiri), however is angry with CIA for closing the project without doling out adequate compensation to subjects like him. When all her efforts to persuade him to help her fail, she pretends to fall in love with him (that manages to convince Puppy da to join the project). Dudeson gets to work straight away and manages to bring in the first lead…

Happy friendship day :)

Gen. Ashfake Kianahi, is the chief of Pakistani army. In the news recently for refusing to fight the Taliban and letting ISI run a regime of terror in the sub continent, the man is anything but repentant. Our correspondent met him in the garrison town of Rawalpindi. Heres the interview:

RS: Your army seems to be reluctant to fight the Taliban in NEFA. Taliban is calling the shots there and your authority is virtually non existent there.
AK: That’s a blatant lie. We have been fighting them and winning everywhere infact we had a few successes recently in Karachi.

RS: Oh come on Mr Ashfake, 80 of your men surrendered to them in Waziristan recently and many of them are still missing in action; so wheres the question of victory? And what is this victory in Karachi that you are referring to?
AK: We had comprehensively defeated the Taliban in a 20-20 match that we conducted recently in Karachi. They had sent a strong team but we had better players. After the match, I got a call from Pentagon …

Horse trading aint a joke

Horse trading body launched

In a move designed to bring a semblance of transparency, capital markets regulator Securities and Exchange Board of India has announced the establishment of a separate trading body to deal with elected members. The body, tentatively called National Horse Exchange, will exclusively engage in trading members of parliament.

Apparently, many business houses were interested in establishing such an exchange in wake of the last round of horse trading that happened recently. For putting together a business model, SEBI has roped in capital markets specialist Dr. Hammerschmidst from the Cornflakes Institute of Management. Currently Hammerschmidst is doing an in-depth study on how MPs were trading a week ago during the debate on the nuke bill and the pricing mechanism followed then.

Needless to say, the parliamentarians are excited by the move. “Just look at some of the film stars, walking away with those princely amounts for such pathetic acting. Our show is on 24 hours…