Showing posts from July, 2008

Parliament to house National School of Drama

Government of India has agreed in principle to allow the National School of Drama to set up a wing inside the parliament. This move has come in wake of requests from various quarters to allow NSD graduates to learn from the seasoned dramatists, who operate from the floor of Indian parliament.
Last week, during the debate on the nuclear deal, many NSD undergraduates were glued on to their TV sets and analyzed every move made by the MPs. Some even called up various members and congratulated them on their exemplary performance during the debate.

“These guys are the best of the lot. I mean just look at the way they act as though they are seriously concerned about the country and its citizens, though we all know its baloney,” says a rookie actor. “This is the real suff, theres action, emotion, stunts, money and what not”, asks another NSD student.

According to self-proclaimed director Mahesh Rutt, our parliamentarians are the best actors we have right now. “Jst look at the bollywood fo…

Shame on our elected reps

Last week saw parliamentarians exhibiting exemplary behavior on the floor of the house. Two-timing MP Chimmen lal was at the center of it all. He was the one who was seen waving a wad of currency and shouting some obscenities at his learned colleagues. We caught up with the dude and found out what was wrong with the scene. Heres the interview.

Q: This is another example of shameless behavior from our elected representatives. Why did you come to parliament with those notes?
A: I just wanted to show that people were buying and selling parliamentarians like cattle and I was very angry about it.

Q: You were angry that some people were indulging in horse trading?
A: No yaar. I was angry that MPs were being sold for pittance. I mean just look at the stats. 34 crores for a first timer—that’s not just bad that’s miserable; the prevailing rate for two term MPs is around 75 crores and that’s pocket money for me. I was symbolically highlighting the fact that parliamentarians were not getting their d…

Bush’s definitions

Lets take a glance at some of the things that Bush has defined in his own words.

Antarctica: a country ruled by Eskimos and is the largest exporter of refrigerators. People living in Antarctica wear a special type of shoe which prevents them from falling off the earth.

ASEAN: a word used to refer to anything from Asia.

Comet: an association of communists and meteorologists.

Dalai Lama: An action hero from Hong Kong

Earthquake: movement of earth caused by Puppy Lahiri hitting the dance floor.

Gangsta rap: Obama’s campaign anthem.

Hillary Clinton: Daughter of the guy who was the first to conquer Mount Everest

Hu Jing Tao: What you scream when a steel vase falls on your bare foot.

Moonians: inhabitants of moon, who are sneaky and hide on the dark side of the moon. These guys have a terror agenda on their minds and so we should try and invade the moon as soon as possible.

Mongolia: A country ruled by some guy called Chengis Khan.

Myanmar: A type of cheese sold in some parts of Asia.


Spiritual banking? Whats that?

Banking is the latest industry hit by the spiritual bug. Global FIs are now gearing up to launch products aimed at the religiously inclined consumer.

So what exactly is spiritual banking? It is basically a blend of trading, banking and securities exchange based on spiritual currency called Karma. Customers can accumulate Karma based on the good deeds that they do, which is credited to their account by a certified Karmic accountant. The Karmic exchange rate is a floating rate based on the exchange rate prevailing on the day Karma is deposited in a bank.

Guys with negative Karma will try and pull this rate down, while others will try and push the rates north. Karma can be freely traded subject to the condition that the currency has been stored in the customer’s account for atleast an year. All good deeds committed without selfish motives and with unbound goodwill qualify for Karmic investment. The customer must be able to convince the Karmic auditor about the genuineness of his or her cla…

Straydogs and fuel supply

The National Straydogs Association has protested the alleged “high profile abductions” carried out by humans over the last 24 hours in various parts of Bangalore. The organization has condemned the behavior of the government and threatened to go into an indefinite strike, if the state government fails to release the leaders of the association over the next 10 hours.

NSA head Him-mesh Race-Mia has asked his cadres to get ready for the long haul. “We must remember that we are up against oppression, tyranny and totalitarian autocracy directed against out canine compatriots. We will not give in and neither will we surrender in front of these human tormentors”, he said.

The NSA has alleged that key members of its Bangalore chapter are disappearing and are allegedly being abducted by the local authorities. According to NSA spokesperson Fakenaka Gandhi, the government was on a war path with the stray dogs due to an incident that happened a few days ago. Apparently, a minister in the governmen…

Weekly roundup

So what else is happening?

Lallo wants translators…
Taking a cue from Charles Sob-Raj, Lallo Prasad was last seen actively seeking the services of a translator. The “turnaround” railway minister has justified this move saying “array..when crooks and thugs can have girl friends, why cant I and besides, I have accomplished more than Sob-raj..(we agree Mr. Lallo, there’s no comparison between you and Sob-raj, who is nothing but a glorified novice in front of you.

Bush heckled…
On his final U.S. Independence Day as president, Bush was heckled by a few dudes sitting in the audience. Must appreciate the patience of these hecklers…I mean imagine waiting for all that long to say all those nice things to Bush. Dubya must also be thanking his stars that he in his final leg of his term. The hecklers must now find a new bhakra.

OPEC ‘concerned by rising crude prices’
Really? Did I hear it right? This international cartel has but one business to do which is to ensure that the speculators don’t walk …

Noise of India contest

The noise of India contest

The setting- one of India’s top dhabbhas, the judges- unwanted pests and the contestants-Crème-de-la-cottage cheese of Indian politics. Politicians, cutting across party lines, gathered for the first ever Scaretelll ‘Noise of India’ contest, a clash of wits, singing abilities and talents. Did it turn out the way the organizers wanted? What went wrong? Find out.

The contestants arrived quite early and were seen practicing their songs in front of mirrors, fellow party men and even stray dogs that had unwittingly landed up. Each ‘neta’ wanted to outdo the other and camaraderie was the last thing on their minds. By 10, the ‘distinguished’ judges arrived, starting with Puppy Lahiri, who seemed to have just reached after ransacking a jewelry store. Jawed Akthar followed, clothed humbly and as usual, had a couple of couplets for the media folks. Mahesh Rutt, the third judge, announced his new movie, on the spot. “The script will be finalized after I finish shooting,…

Relationship insurance? Whats that?

Relationship insurance

Fed up of constantly moving in and out of relationships without any tangible benefits? We have news for you. In a move designed to help folks move on from broken relationships, the country’s premier insurance firm Yell I See (YIC) has announced that it will be launching a ‘relationship insurance’, soon.

This insurance will be available to everyone, irrespective of their age group and would cover all relationships-legal or otherwise. Speaking exclusively to us, YIS chairman Chimmen Lal Ghothi said “this will be the first insurance of its type in the world. Customers will be able to claim 100 percent of the insured amount, incase their relationship does not work or their other halves simply run away.”

To be eligible for the insurance, the customer will have to register his or her relationship with the organization, define it and then fill up around 33 forms in triplicate. YIC will then do a background check on the individuals, ascertain if the relationship will work…