Funny Indian cuisine
Indian cuisines offer much variety to the discerning foodie. From the icy mountains of Kashmir to the windy sun-kissed beaches of Kanyakumari, each area has its own enviable range of culinary delights. These dishes are redolent of the climate of various regions and deliver a veritable gastronomic experience to the gourmet. But such specialties are not available on our menu. We are instead focusing on a set of selected dishes that do not fall in any one of the above categories and can easily be passed off as repulsive fare. So without any further ado, we present a collection of such dishes found exclusively in our country.
Aam Admi bhartha (Mashed common man)
Ingredients:
Common man
Corruption
Fuel price hike
Tax hike
Hike in cooking gas prices
Pathetic infrastructure
Lack of governance
Take the common man, subject him to fuel price hike and mash him with a steep hike in cooking gas prices. Roast over pathetic infrastructure and then Sauté over constant tax hikes. Mix thoroughly and add deficient governance, apathy and plenty of corruption. Cook uncovered on a high flame for 60 years and stir continuously.
Serves: over 1 billion
Indian television Koorma
Ingredients:
Tired audience
Unimaginative scripts
Copied concepts (from foreign serials)
Unreal reality shows
Hamming actors
Saas bahu torture
Cricket to taste
Start with unimaginative scripts and add a liberal dose of copied concepts. Then stir fry the tired audience with hamming actors, unreal reality shows and subject the mix to saas bahu torture. Add cricket and mix in well-known production houses. Serve bored.
Serves: over 200 million
Mahesh hut kichidi
Ingredients:
Emran Hashmi
One melodious song
One front page news item preferably about crime and underworld
Non descript heroine
Kisses to taste
Script, screenplay and direction are not needed for this
Take Emran Hasmi, add one melodious song, mix and keep separately. Wait till the front page news item appears, extract and add to the mix prepared earlier along with the non descript heroine. Add over 20 kisses and serve.
Serves: Mahesh Bhatt, Emran Hasmi and their family members only
Indian cellular tikki
Ingredients:
Harassed customer
Plenty of apathy
Deficient service
Inflated bills
Poor infrastructure
Marinate the harassed customer in tons of apathy. Stir fry over deficient service and add poor infrastructure when needed. Garnish with inflated bills and serve.
Serves: Over 10 crore
Padosi mulk kabab
Tin pot dictator
Unstable democracy
Jurassic foreign policy
Terror hub banana republic
Perennial inferiority complex
Useless middle class
Along with the ruling tin pot dictator, soak the banana republic in Jurassic foreign policy. Mix with useless middle class with unstable democracy and toast over perennial inferiority complex. Serve undeveloped and on the brink.
Serves: global
Statutory warning: consuming these dishes could lead to incurable bouts of disenchantment, cynicism and even hallucinations.
Aam Admi bhartha (Mashed common man)
Ingredients:
Common man
Corruption
Fuel price hike
Tax hike
Hike in cooking gas prices
Pathetic infrastructure
Lack of governance
Take the common man, subject him to fuel price hike and mash him with a steep hike in cooking gas prices. Roast over pathetic infrastructure and then Sauté over constant tax hikes. Mix thoroughly and add deficient governance, apathy and plenty of corruption. Cook uncovered on a high flame for 60 years and stir continuously.
Serves: over 1 billion
Indian television Koorma
Ingredients:
Tired audience
Unimaginative scripts
Copied concepts (from foreign serials)
Unreal reality shows
Hamming actors
Saas bahu torture
Cricket to taste
Start with unimaginative scripts and add a liberal dose of copied concepts. Then stir fry the tired audience with hamming actors, unreal reality shows and subject the mix to saas bahu torture. Add cricket and mix in well-known production houses. Serve bored.
Serves: over 200 million
Mahesh hut kichidi
Ingredients:
Emran Hashmi
One melodious song
One front page news item preferably about crime and underworld
Non descript heroine
Kisses to taste
Script, screenplay and direction are not needed for this
Take Emran Hasmi, add one melodious song, mix and keep separately. Wait till the front page news item appears, extract and add to the mix prepared earlier along with the non descript heroine. Add over 20 kisses and serve.
Serves: Mahesh Bhatt, Emran Hasmi and their family members only
Indian cellular tikki
Ingredients:
Harassed customer
Plenty of apathy
Deficient service
Inflated bills
Poor infrastructure
Marinate the harassed customer in tons of apathy. Stir fry over deficient service and add poor infrastructure when needed. Garnish with inflated bills and serve.
Serves: Over 10 crore
Padosi mulk kabab
Tin pot dictator
Unstable democracy
Jurassic foreign policy
Terror hub banana republic
Perennial inferiority complex
Useless middle class
Along with the ruling tin pot dictator, soak the banana republic in Jurassic foreign policy. Mix with useless middle class with unstable democracy and toast over perennial inferiority complex. Serve undeveloped and on the brink.
Serves: global
Statutory warning: consuming these dishes could lead to incurable bouts of disenchantment, cynicism and even hallucinations.
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