Ankur Warikoo sheds 10 kgs of ego; claims to become a spiri-influencer like Sad-guru
PhD student dropout from a US university-turned-CEO-turned-Finfluencer-turned-author-turned-parenting guide-turned-pet whisperer-turned-life influencer-turned-economist-turned-Health influencer-turned know it all Ankur Warikoo or Ankur Waricuckoo as he is better known has made another turn for the worse a few days back. Warikoo has now become a self-styled spiritual guru.
Waricuckoo claimed to have seen a vision of a long gone guru who appeared to him while he was stuck at a signal in Juhu and was abusing a fellow driver. “The guru who appeared in this vision told me that it is now time to turn a whole branch and become a guide for the whole of humanity, fake gurus and for politicians. This way you will be able to torture more people,” Waricuckoo said during an interaction with his 2 followers including his vegetable vendor who had no choice but to listen as Waricuckoo held up his payment. After seeing this vision, Waricuckoo felt a rapid transformation from within while he was dragged from his vehicle and thrashed to a gooey pulp by angry motorists for holding up traffic after refusing to move his vehicle even after the signal had turned green.
“In the last few days, I have shed 10 Kgs of ego and now I am ready to be a know-it-all guru. I will go by the name Sidh-guru or the one that has attained Moksha while still residing in a human body. From now on I will only focus on rationing unsolicited spiritual advice on everything from GST , economic turbulence and Gamma ray bursts to the Ukraine conflict just like other self styled enlightened gurus out there who turn up on barely watched channel,” Waricuckoo told his audience in the same session. “I have now evolved consciousness at a scale that is unmatched and I have gained many superpowers including the power to book a cab without being canceled on,” Waricuckoo added.
In a related development, Waricuckoo’s shrink Devi Prasad has gone missing from his flat in Lower Parel. He was last spotted at the airport with a fake beard on a flight bound for Papua New Guinea as per sources. Devi Prasad’s flat was raided earlier today by a team of Mumbai Police cops after a nuisance complaint was filed against him by some netizens. The complaint alleged that Prasad was the guiding force behind Waricuckoo’s shenanigans. He had even contributed some content to Waricuckoo’s book.
Meanwhile, Dime-a-Quintal Influencer Association working President Chavvani Lal has put out a press note announcing that Waricuckoo is no longer associated with the apex BS body in India. "Waricuckoo has gone well beyond his mandate and is now operating at BS levels that are unprecedented and we are therefore shunning him out of sheer jealousy," Lal said in an interaction with a health influencer who was undergoing treatment at a hospital in Bandra.
June 24th update. Waricuckoo is said to be working on a sequel to his no seller Do Epic $h!#. The new book will be called Do Epic Bull$h!t. The new book features an into by none other than that Shakespearean literary tragedy Satan Bhagat.
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