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Showing posts from January, 2013

Pak army generals opt for VRS after Indian Army chief Gen Bikram Singh speech

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In what could be termed as the first major reaction from Pakistan to the ‘behave yourself’ speech given by Indian Army chief Gen Bikram Singh, two Pakistan army generals have put in their papers. Though Pakistan army made every attempt to deny any link, our sources confirmed that the move was indeed linked to the fiery nature of Gen. Singh’s speech.

At about 11:30 am, after Gen Singh finished his speech warning Pakistan, the GHQ in Rawalpindi received two faxes one from Lt Gen Muhammad Haroon Aslam, Commander of the strategic XXXI Corps, Bahawalpur (also the Col. Commandant of the so called Azad Kashmir regiment) and another from Lt Gen Muzammil Hussain, Commander, XXX Corps, Gujranwala (also the Colonel Commandant of the Northern Light Infantry). The two corps commanders had put in their papers and decided to seek voluntary retirement due to ‘personal reasons’.

Incidentally, these two generals are also connected to Kashmir via two regiments they are Col. Commandants of.  This means …

Simi Garewal to sue the Hindu for alleging that she was the LoC granny

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Noted fossil and botox granny Simi Garewal launched a blistering attack on Chinese newspaper ‘the Hindu’ for dropping enough hints to suggest that she was the granny who crossed the LoC and caused the recent skirmish across the Line of Control between India and Pakistan.

The Hindu it may be recollected had claimed that a ‘runaway granny’ had caused Indian and Pakistani armies to start a fresh round of skirmish across flash points on the LoC. The description of the granny according to sources closely matches Simi's appearence.

 Condemning the article, Simi said “utter rubbish. I don’t feel any reason why I should even give this article any attention. I was in my house undergoing repairs and a new round of mummification to keep my skin looking human in 2013 so I couldn’t have been at the LoC. Such insinuation is completely unwarranted.

Simi also claimed that she had never visited the LoC in her life and told Humor Unplugged that she was planning to sue the newspaper. Attempts to co…

Lalu Prasad Yadav launches Lalu Yadav Foundation

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One of nation’s pioneer scamsters, Lalu Prasad Yadav has launched an organisation under his brand name to help emerging scamsters rise faster and continue the loot that’s on at the national and state levels in the country.

It may be remembered that Lalu was behind the infamous fodder scam which was one of the first scams that received wide spread media coverage in heydays of the print media in the country. Today, with Arnabs and Rajdeeps ruling the media space in India, no scam however large or small goes uncovered and scams have become as common as politicians introducing their feet to their salivary glands.

“I was concerned about the kind of fraudsters who are emerging these days. I mean look at these kids, they are not even able to field the media properly, let alone the judiciary. These guys just survive on anticipatory bails and when the media throws uncomfortable questions at them, they duck behind party spokespersons. This is bad for the nation. If we don’t have innovative scam…

Pak army deploys its new ‘Howitzer’

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Pakistan Army has announced that it has deployed a new indigenously developed howitzer at ‘sensitive’ locations across the Indo-Pak border.

The ‘howitzer’ christened Suleman after Gen Suleman of 10th Baluch who discovered the unique trajectory of the device. Pakistan army sources said Gen Suleman wanted to extract himself (run away) from the war theatre in 1948 when he developed the contraption but unfortunately for him, after he sat on the catapult spoon, it flung him the wrong way and he landed in Indian territory and was promptly taken as prisoner of war.

Luck however changed for him for the better soon after. When the Indo-Pak hostilities ended, Gen Suleman who was then a Major was handed over to Pakistani forces by the Indian Army. Pakistan army then went on to spin a tale of valour and undefeatable courage around him and claimed that Maj Suleman fought the ‘kafirs deep inside their own territory’. Pakistani war books even mention that while returning he brought a wild boar alon…

Delegation meets Deepika Padukone, requests her to date a politician

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A delegation comprising NGO representatives, social and citizen rights activists and paid volunteers met alleged actor Deepika Padukone and urged her to date a politician this year. It may be remembered that today is Deepika’s birthday.

 The delegation reached Deepika’s Bangalore residence at about 7 am today and asked the security staff to request the serial dater to come down and meet them. The delegation got the shock of their lives when a groggy-faced Deepika came down and met them. Till this point, the delegation only had 20 members but as and when Deepika stepped outside her gate, the numbers simply swelled with over 100 people joining. Some even painted banners on the spot to appear legitimate. Since many were not aware of the issue being raised by the ‘genuine activists’, the fake ones created posters and banners on issues ranging from global warming to North Korean missile tests.

“She has unique superpowers. She can alter the destiny of anyone. I have read emails forwarded b…

Sheila Dixit applies for gun license

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The Daryaganj police station received an unique visitor on Monday morning. As soon as she walked in, a minor tornado ensured with cops running helter-skelter while some ran to fetch their uniforms, others jogged around to get the mandatory tea and samosa. Delhi CM Sheila Dixit had come to apply for a gun license.

“Madamji(Ms Dixit) had called us few days back asking us to outline the process for obtaining arms for herself. But we didn’t know she would turn up so soon. She came and submitted an application form for obtaining a gun license and we accepted it,” a senior Daryaganj station cop said.

When asked as to why she was obtaining a gun license, Ms Dixit said “Delhi is becoming more unsafe with each passing day. I have no idea what the administration and CM are doing and I do not have enough faith in the law enforcement machinery in this place. Therefore I am preparing myself for everything and anything.

When reminded that the Delhi administration she was referring to was her own, …

Vulgar Trinamool MLA was merely testing direct cash transfer: Derek O'Brien

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Party spokesperson Derek O'Brien has defended a Trinamool Congress leader who landed in trouble after he threw wads of currency notes towards ladies dancing at a party's foundation day function.
Brien who is also referred to in media circles as Mamata’s pet Chihuahua claimed that his party had launched the equivalent of UPA’s direct cash transfer in West Bengal and the MLA was merely testing the scheme.

“Whats wrong if the MLA concerned transferred cash directly? I mean most of these people do not have bank accounts so there is no point in transferring money that way and it is not vulgar by any length of imagination. The man only had noble intentions in mind. When we finally do something for citizens of our state, you people still find flaws. Grow up guys and smell the Complan,” Brien said.

When asked as to why he didn’t tell the same thing to anchor Arnab Goswami when the later grilled him on the issue, Brien threw a massive temper tantrum. “That fidgety pen poker (Arnab) t…

Isolated North Korea now showing new and unique floral and faunal diversity

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Its official, enforced cultural, political and other restrictions have led to the emergence of new floral and faunal life forms in North Korea, Humor Unplugged reports from Pyongyang.

North Korea is today home to some of the most unique animal and plant life in the world, thanks to its isolation from rest of the planet. Due to over 6 decades of extreme separation, today North Korea boasts of species that are not found anywhere else in the world – not even next door neighbour South Korea. The isolation is so severe that even pollens from countries around North Korea are unable to get in.

“Take the North Korean cockroach (Cocoroachus kimjongpyjamis) for instance. It has become so distinct that it cannot breed with any other sub-species of cockroaches from anywhere else on earth. The reason is accumulation of genetic variations due to isolation of local population. This coupled with mutations has led to the creation of different species altogether. North Korea has been preventing the br…