Showing posts from February, 2012

Mamta Banerjee questions Ravi Shastri’s ‘character’

Ravi Shastri’s jinxed commentary has sunk team India’s victory hopes on so many occasions that fans have taken it for granted that if the former cricketer wields the microphone, a loss is near certain. It came as no surprise today that many knew India would win as and when they heard that Shastri was stuck in the lift and would not be available for commentary atleast for a while.

As soon as the news of Shastri getting lodged in the lift broke, reactions came from all sides. West Bengal CM Mamta Banerjee while questioning the veracity of the episode, questioned Ravi Shastri’s character which she claimed was quite ‘questionable’. “The very fact that he went into the lift with a statistician, does not show Shastri in good light,” Banerjee said before scooting off to write another threatening letter to the PM.

Union HRD Minister Kapil Sibal meanwhile chose to place the blame on the lift manufacturer. “The liability for use of the lift lies entirely with the manufacturer and not the user. …

Calvin and Hobbes on sleep

The Supreme Court on Thursday took strong objection to the Delhi police's mid-night crackdown on yoga guru Ramdev's supporters saying unlawfully depriving a person from sleep is a violation of his fundamental rights.

Amar Singh jumps/falls from chopper, wallet saves him

Amar Singh fell/jumped from his chopper yesterday causing a minor quake in Hamirpur (UP) and surrounding areas.

While different versions of the incident were floating in the media yesterday, one thing is for sure - the so called leader was saved by his overflowing wallet. Sources close to Singh told Humor Unplugged that the leader fell on his bum and the loaded wallet in his back pocket absorbed the impact. He then bounced and flew for nearly 500 mts before landing. A huge crater was formed at the spot where Singh landed.

The former close friend of Amitabh Bachchan was lucky that he bounced away from the rotor blades of the chopper and didn’t have to go through them.

Apparently Singh’s wallet was so loaded that he was not even injured due to the fall (sans a few bruises).

Adidas, Reebok and Nike will be responsible for shoes hurled at leaders

After hounding Google, Facebook and other internet cos for censoring the web, the Indian government has now trained its eyes on shoe makers Reebok, Adidas and Nike.

Thursday morning saw shoe makers across India receiving notices from the Indian government asking them to come up with concrete action plans to monitor use of their shoes by end users. Sources claim that the government wants to make shoe makers liable for misuse of their products by consumers and wants them to implement measures to prevent people from throwing shoes at politicians or their paid cronies.

“You and your entity vide the contents of this notice are hereby directed to ensure that you and your entity implement measures designed to counter and prevent misuse of your products. Misuse herewith in this context refers to shoes being thrown, hurled or even aimed at leaders, political luminaries and party functionaries or anyone connected with a political party or affiliates thereof within the boundaries of this countr…

Iran angers US, releases full page Shiv Sena style ad in Washington Post

In what has been seen as open defiance of US’ stand on nuclear proliferation among ‘pariah’ states, Iran has come out with a full page ad in the Washington Post admitting it has nuclear weapons.

The ad, which will be published in today’s edition of WP, is modelled on the now famous and grammatically impure Shiv Sena ad which came in Mumbai Mirror yesterday. It is an open admission by the Iranian government that it now possesses weapons of mass destruction and that Iran is no longer afraid of admitting this fact. Humor Unplugged found a few mistakes in the copy which seem to be deliberate and inline with the original Shiv Sena ad.

While sources in the Obama administration were unwilling to come on record, a senior official told Humor Unplugged that action against the Iranian regime was only a matter of when, rather than if. "By mocking us, they (Iran) have committed a huge blunder and we will make them pay for it. This joke has been stretched enough and its now time to prevent I…

Giant shark washed ashore due to Imran Khan’s speech:report

A giant whale shark washed ashore near Karachi fisheries harbor in Karachi, Pakistan on February 7 might have been driven off course by a speech given by Tehreek-e-Insaf chief Imran Khan at a local rally.

According to reports coming in from Karachi, a preliminary investigation by the Sindh Wildlife Department has found that a speech given by Imran Khan on a jetty in Karachi harbour impacted the whale shark adversely and reset its marine navigation mechanism leading to the animal heading to the shore, instead of sea.

“Our investigation has found that the animal was affected by a rally organized by Imran Khan where he had spoken for over 5 hours and given advice to everyone from Zardari to the Dalai Lama. It seems that the whale shark that was swimming in the vicinity, heard the speech and got disoriented. We feel that this speech is responsible for the animal washing up ashore. We are holding another investigation at this point of time. I will speak to you bloggers once that is done an…

Little green men better role models than earthly mischief mongers

The word is out. In a survey carried out across 34 cities in India by your favorite blog, little green men from out there emerged as the top role model for Indian youth.
Unlike other surveys conducted by media where slapping\shirt tearing celebs and page 3 wannabes topped the list of role models, the Humor Unplugged's National Leadership Survey explored various issues faced by the nation and came up with the right questions that were answered with enthusiasm by the respondents (who were happy to partake in a actual survey for the first time). The survey presents the true picture of the state of affairs in the country and truth does hurt. The second and third places don’t matter as Indian youth don’t seem to have many ‘real icons’ to look up to. When asked about their preference for a leader who could lead the nation well, over 80 percent voted in favor of green men from any alien planet – this basically means that Indian youth do not believe our leaders can deliver when it comes…

Priyanka Chopra and Deepika Padukone ready to date politicians; Sibal says no way

Serial daters and wannabe actors Priyanka ‘home wrecker’ Chopra and Deepika ‘date anything famous’ Padukone have indicated that they are ready and eager to date politicians. In separate interactions with page three journos and bloggers in Mumbai, both actors came out strongly in favor of dating politicians as they were tired of dating other celebs.

“I wouldn’t rule that out. So far I have dated men from Bollywood and would like to move on now. If you guys have some good suggestions, I am all ears. See I have 7 flats in Mumbai and each one is for a guy from a different profession. One of those is reserved for a politician irrespective of his SQ (Sliminess quotient). Besides, I have always wanted a boyfriend who has a car with a beacon light as then the party starts as soon as you step outside your house,” a beaming Priyanka Chopra said in response to query from a scribe.

“I move in and out of relationships like a gopher during monsoon. So I am equally at ease dating all kinds of creep…

S M Krishna’s wig heads out on a two nation tour

A busy external affairs minister S M Krishna has sent out his wig to do all the talking on his behalf.

Humor Unplugged has learnt that S M Krishna’s wig will be heading to Pakistan and Iran as part of a two-nation tour sometime next week. The trip is intended to send out a strong message that the Indian government is very serious about strengthening its ties with these two important countries in India's neighborhood.

“Yes, sirjee’s toupee is going on a trip to Iran and Pakistan. The idea is to enhance our bilateral relations with them; especially with Iran. The wig will pass through Islamabad where it will hold two rounds of high level talks with senior ministry officials and hand over a letter written by Krishna to beleaguered Pak PM Gilani. In Iran the wig will be part of talks with officials from the oil export minstry there,” a senior bureaucrat in Krishna’s office said.

The wig according to sources will represent Krishna during the trip. Since the external affairs minister …

Research confirms Simi is withering, turning yellow

Air pollution has taken a toll on our lungs and wildlife, but how about our monuments? India's famed white marble mummy, Simi Garewal, has begun turning yellow due to air pollution, according to a study.
The study conducted by a team of Mummyologists lead by Dr. Hammerschmidst has confirmed that the 300 year old mummy is showing signs of decay. “We have been examining her over the last 3 months and observed that she has been turning yellow gradually due to air pollution. This is due to the effect of toxic gasses like sulphur and nitrogen oxides Simi is exposed to. We have to do something soon, else the world’s only white mummy will soon turn yellow,” Hammerschmidst said.  

Hammerschmidst also claimed that Simi’s interaction with a few ‘toxic celebrities’ have also affected her epidermal layer. “Some Bollywood celebrities have been known to use all kinds of chemicals on their skin and under it. I personally know a famous actor from a very reputed Bollywood family who has pumped 2 …