Oprah Winfrey’s Bollywood rendezvous

Oprah Winfrey landed on Indian shores a day ago. While every other blog or news site will tell you how much she enjoyed the trip, we beg to differ. Not only was Oprah tired and fatigued by the visit but she also had to put up with a bunch of clowns who tested her patience and tolerance till the very end of her day today. Humor Unplugged gives you the exclusive story.

The first person she met today morning was Bollywood’s own Acting Deficit  Syndrome (ADS) patient Kareena Kapoor. As per Oprah’s wish, she met a group of 'special' actors suffering from Acting Deficit Syndrome. Oprah treated the Kareena with warmth and asked her about her movies. Kareena meanwhile had just one question for Oprah. “How many item numbers have you done to attain such a high level of popularity in Hollywood,” Kareena asked. Oprah didn’t understand the question; but when an aide explained the concept of item number to her, Oprah didn’t bother to stop and answer. She just walked away.

Oprah with the Bachchan family.
Amar Singh is in the trunk 

As she stepped back into her hotel, she was introduced to another unique talent from Bollywood. World’s only actor to run on Android OS walked in and greeted a surprised Oprah. Rampal told a puzzled Oprah that developers were still working on his facial expressions and that his next release (Rampal 2.3) will have advanced features such as eye brow and cheek movement. Oprah found the concept quite advanced and told Rampal that they should make an Indian version of Terminator with him in the lead.

Meanwhile out of nowhere John Abraham walked into the room unannounced in his jocks, hoping to impress Oprah. Oprah promptly donated a few clothes to the actor and asked him to get in touch with Harpo foundation in case he needed more help and support for rest of the winter. As Oprah was about to close the door, someone grabbed her arm and stopped her. “Ab bach key kahan jaoogiii (How will you save yourself?)” was the question the guy asked. It was none other than famous villain of yesteryears Prem Chopra who was trying out one of his famous moves on the startled lady.

A freaked out Oprah didn’t wait to exchange pleasantries and started running towards the lift. As she rushed, two senior citizens stopped her and blocked the entrance. Noted filmmakers Yash Chopra and Mahesh Bhatt were standing outside the elevator with a Clint Eastwood style minimized vision look. While Chopra was waving something resembling a script, Bhatt was waving a tweezer and said he will finalize the script after the shoot is over. Chopra wanted to cast Oprah in Dhoom 3 while Bhatt wanted her to be a part of Murder 3 with the human vacuum cleaner Emran Hasmi.

Chopra was the first one to approach Oprah, mumbling in true Chopra style. On the other side Bhatt, scratching his chest said "hey the babes, would you the likes to do the movies with the me?" This time Oprah was saved by her bodyguards who pushed the two senile delinquents aside. The hotel gave Oprah a new room with more privacy and staff were instructed not to allow anyone inside or in the vicinity.

However, by evening, another crowd consisting of winners of Indian 'reality' shows such as Roadies and Indian Idol gathered outside her room and urged her to adopt one of them (They were under the impression that Oprah was in India to adopt).

As she retired to bed thinking it was all over, she heard a mongrel howl outside her hotel. When she peeped  from her window, she realized it was not a hound but a man. The man in question was none other than Himesh Reshamiya who was practicing for an upcoming event. Oprah fainted.