Discovery of distant quasar causes panic in UPA

An international team of astronomers recently announced the discovery of the most distant quasar ever seen. The quasar is supposedly an extremely bright source of light visible at infrared wavelengths, emitted as gas falls into a very massive black hole at its center. The scientists have christened it ULAS J1120+0641. This discovery caused some interesting reactions back home. Thinking that another scam had been unearthed by the media, politicians started trading charges and counter charges while accusing each other.

As soon as the discovery was announced, Congress spokesperson Manish Tewari went into denial mode while the union cabinet met for almost 2 hours to chart a strategy to handle the fallout.

“The government is investigating the episode and is committed to unearthing the truth. We are currently in the process of determining the ramifications of the allegations that have surfaced which we feel are completely baseless and politically motivated. You needn’t read much into this incident and besides, the whole thing started when NDA was in power,” Tiwari said at a hurriedly arranged press conference trying hard to look human.    

“Another scam, another blot on the image of this government and more tax payers money wasted. How many more such episodes will it take before this government resigns? This discovery indeed shows that the government has not been truthful and has much to hide from the very people who voted it to power,” said Sushma Swaraj before breaking into an impromptu jig to express her disappointment and anger at the government.

On Newshour devil’s own anchor Arnab ’20 questions’ Goswami posed 33 questions to the UPA demanding answers. “How can a quasar stay hidden for this long? Why did the government hide this quasar? Have public funds been diverted to keep this quasar away from public eye? Who stands to lose if the quasar is revealed? Who stole my pokimon kachchas when I hung them for drying yesterday? These were some of the questions Arnab asked. He signed off by saying “the public needs to know Mr. Sibal”.

Sibal who was woken up in the middle of the night thanks to the announcement, was seen dozing off at a cabinet meet called by senior UPA leader Pranab Mukherjee to discuss the issue. After waking up, Sibal blamed the opposition and civil society for unnecessarily harassing the government over the incident. “Look guys (civil society plus opposition) please be extremely careful. In case you play around with us, we will unleash our very own bullsh*t emitting quasar Digvijay Singh,” he said.

Image of the new most distant quasar ULAS J1120+0641. The quasar
 is the red dot near the centre of the
image.  

Comments

Krishnan Bala said…
Dear B'Knight,
That was a master stroke at the mid-night hour! It appears that Kumaraswamy hasn't go hold of the news as otherwise he would have definitely blamed it on Yeddi selling some land there that belongs to BDA there by causing the void in which this pulsar was caused !
hahah :D lolz buddy ;)

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