Hatf 9 test fails, missile flies into stadium, causes panic
Pakistan today unsuccessfully test fired an 'untested' missile over populated areas of Lahore causing panic and mayhem. The Short Range Surface-to-Surface Multi Tube Ballistic Missile `Hatf IX’ (NASR), a variant of the North Korean No-Dong 3, was imported by Pakistan just a week ago via sea. Hatf IX missed its intended target by miles, thanks to a faulty GPS application downloaded by Pakistan Atomic Energy Commission (PAEC) scientists from a torrent site few days back.
Immediately after the launch, the missile veered off course and headed towards the Gaddaffi stadium in Lahore where the ‘large hearted’ Shahid Afridi and a few other Pakistani cricketers were playing a local league match. Anticipating a disaster, the fire safety mechanism of the stadium was activated and the players warned of the impending doom through loud braying of donkeys hired by the Pakistan Cricket Board (Taliban has banned cheer leaders).
Soon enough the players laid down and started saying their final prayers. Fate however had something else in store as the missile came with a loud woosh and crashed into Nasreddin Murat-Khan stand without causing any damage- not even to the chair on which it crashed.
Embarrassed, but defiant, Pakistan's Director General Strategic Plans Division, Khalid Ahmed Kidwai moved in quickly and claimed that the launch was a complete success and all flight parameters were met. “In the hierarchy of military operations, the NASR Weapon System offers Pakistan short range missile capability in addition to the already available medium and long range ballistic missiles and cruise missiles in its inventory,” Lt. Gen (retd) Kidwai mumbled wiping sweat from his forehead.
Panic stricken and disoriented Pakistani cricketers were quickly moved out of the stadium and admitted in a government hospital. “Thanks to our large hearts, we escaped. If we had smaller ones, we would have had a heart attack by now and sitting in that big pavilion in the sky,” Pakistani captain Shahid Afridi said.
Pakistani PM Yousuf Raza Gilani congratulated all scientists associated with the project and urged them to do more to bring more glory to Pakistan. When Humor Unplugged pointed out that the test was a clear failure, Gilani went offline on Skype and messaged us later saying there was a power cut at his residence.
|Pakistan test fires Hatf 9 missile|
|Players at the Gaddafi stadium in Lahore saying their final prayers|
awaiting the missile