Showing posts from January, 2011

You know onions are expensive when…

Banks start doling out ‘onion loans’Antila's monthly onion bill exceeds its monthly power billThe lens in the camera in front of Arnab Goswami in Times Now studio doesn’t have to be changed – everyday Pakistan starts exporting something else other than terrorSharad Pawar talks about hiring cricketers for onionsThey start featuring in Niira Radia’s latest tapes Rajya Sabha MP Rajiv Chandrashekar is unable to buy enough onions with the dowry he gotFilm festivals are dedicated to them The US president gives a ‘state of the onion’ address ;) Pakistan starts flooding Indian market with fake onions instead of currency You start getting a kg of onion free with every purchase of a luxury sedan Breath freshener sales plummet suddenly without any rhyme or reason

Scandals to turn into sponsored events

The Indian government has finally decided to commercialize episodes of corruption with the hope of gaining revenue from scandals that have become commonplace in the everyday life of India’s common man. At a high level meeting organized in the national capital, an empowered GoM directed the Ministry of Human Resources to float tenders for obtaining EoI from parties that would like to be associated with scandals.

The funny logic is that since the names of scandals like 2G, CWG, Adarsh and the likes are being repeated at least 1000 times every single day, any sponsor associating (in a positive way) with the scam will gain massive amounts of publicity and visibility for their respective brands. The sponsor will however have to shell out an amount no less than 30 percent of the total amount associated with the scam for this. For example, the 2G scam can be named XYZ 2G scam and it will be mandatory for media to refer to it that way.

Citizens contacted by HU weren’t too concerned by the mo…

Government may ban reference to 1983 in the run-up to World Cup 2011

In a move aimed at restoring public sanity and avoiding unnecessary freakasm, the Indian government has in principle decided to ban all references to the 1983 World Cup victory by media till closure of the latest chapter of ICC World Cup. Government sources have told your favorite blog that a bill to this effect could be moved as soon as the newly reshuffled cabinet meets.  

“It is tiring to watch every Tom, Dick and Harry speak about 1983 whenever a cricket world cup is around the corner. Agreed it was a huge victory for the then team but then again, we need to move on and focus on the current edition of world cup. We should not go gaga over 1983. It is almost as if we do not want to let go of that victory and that’s bad,” the source said. Humor Unplugged has learnt that the Information and Broadcasting ministry has already issued notices to 7 news channels directing them to stop broadcasting highlights of the 83 finals and stop comparing the current Indian team with the one that ma…

Mayawathi biopic shooting commences

Humor Unplugged has learnt that Mayawati’s fans in Lucknow have launched a biopic chronicling the life and times of their favorite UP leader. The unnamed movie, whose first scene was shot in the presence of the charismatic UP CM, is said to be based on real events culled from the ‘interesting’ life of Mayawati.

In an exclusive chat with Humor Unplugged, UP Cabinet Secretary Shashank Shekhar Singh said “This is indeed a noble way to honor a great individual and a living legend and to support this cause the Uttar Pradesh government has set aside a sum of 76 crores from the Mayawati Statue Fund for the movie. You can build 1000 statues but that won’t be enough to spread the message of our great leader. But one movie that is strong in script and has the right elements will immortalize our leader in the minds of the masses outside UP. More money will be provided if needed”.

Sources told HU that leading actor Katrina Kaif was initially approached to essay the lead role. However, talks betwe…