New US-Pak defense pact will see more Headley style reece missions

Showing its true colors, United States of America has once again decided to ignore the stellar role played by Pakistan in fostering global terrorism. This time it has gone a step further and rewarded the terror capital of the world with a pact to keep that nation happy after a series of attacks deep inside the so called Pak soil created much heartburn in Pakistan.

As already reported by New York Times, Obama administration will be offering Pakistan a multi-year security pact complete with more reliable military aid. The offer will be made to the Pakistani civilian and military leaders who arrive in Washington this week for a strategic dialogue, the influential US daily said.

Humor Unplugged has managed to secure a copy of the proposed pact arrived after much diaper whining by Pakistan. According to the draft, US has agreed to ignore future David Headleys emerging from US soil and promised to royally avoid Indian requests for extraditing such criminals and absolving Pakistan of any involvement at all times. US has infact decided to offer future terrorists from Pakistan a special T1 terror visa. Headleys from USA will be allowed to travel freely to countries like India where they will partake in reece missions on behalf of  Pakistani terrorist organizations.

The text of the draft also has a point on the wives of future Headleys. “FBI will ignore all warnings given by the wives of such terrorists (like Headley) in case they report any suspicious behavior displayed by their husband(s) .Such information will be categorized as matrimonial ranting and the file will be disposed off within a minute of its creation without informing the concerned wives. This information will be shared with the ISI and the concerned terrorist in order to ensure that they are more careful in the future” the draft says.

Highlights of the new pact:

• More F 16s to combat stone age mullahs domiciled in AFPAK region
• Pakistan can aid, abet and foster global terror in any country other than US or its NATO allies
• In case a terror attack on US soil is traced back to Pakistan. Pakistan will be threatened with dire consequences and asked to act against the concerned terrorists. These warnings will be issued over a period of a month or till such a time that public anger in US against the terror attack persists
• Once the anger subsides, Pakistan will be pampered again and US-Pak relations strengthened and brought to pre-attack levels
• In the meantime US will explore all options including a strike against Iran or Afghanistan to take attention away from Pakistan’s role in the attack in US soil. The so called axis of weasels will expanded to include countries outside Asia
• Pak will be given the option of supplying fake terrorists to US. These guys can be handed over at regular intervals as proof of Pakistan’s commitment to war on terror season II or three or whatever
• Pakistani terror organizations whose primary enemy is a nation other than US or its NATO allies will be allowed to raise funds from within USA
• US will not interfere in the following activities carried out by Pakistan – Drug trade, clandestine nuclear deals that endanger global security and peace, missiles deals with North Korea and China, arms trade and money laundering

The pact christened Mutual Rear Saving and Cooperation Order will be signed as soon as Pakistan gives its aye.

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