Phone tapping rampant in India: confidential report

According to a confidential report accessed by Humor Unplugged phone tapping has become a epidemic in the nation with one in 100000 phones being tapped in one way or other by government agencies. The report prepared by a government funded academic institution has brought to light several facts hidden behind a veil of official secrecy and bureaucratic red tape. The findings of the report wont be released to the public until 2095 or till such a time that Dev Anand stops making movies.

The report says that the tapping of phones belonging to celebrities, sport stars, politicians and business honchos is commonplace. What is however startling is that the government had even tapped the phones of maids and domestic help of several politicians. The tapping was done to gather information on their affairs with maids and nannies and the information collected has been stored in servers for posterity. The information, sources say, would be used to blackmail several politicians and strengthen the government’s position if a cut motion were to be introduced in the Lok Sabha.

According to the report, in 2009, when the Chinese army hackers gained access to the Indian government servers, over 5000 hours of recordings were copied by them. These Chinese thought these were confidential conversation involving the Indian government. “It was only when a translator translated the files that the Chinese came to know of the truth and they were so disappointed that they dumped nearly 100 cds containing the files on the Line of Actual Control in Sikkim. The Chinese were in fact so furious with the hackers for collecting useless information that a few of them were deputed as miners in coal mines in North China” our mole in the Telecom department said.    

The process
The modus operandi is simple. A trained Bogus Sanchar Nigam Limited (BSNL) employee at the exchange is assigned to listen to certain ‘marked’ phones. In case of private operators like Scaretell and Sodafone the carrot of delayed number portability has been dangled in front of them to ensure their whole hearted cooperation.

There is also a monetary angle to the whole affair. Last year, the Congress raked in big bucks by selling a CD containing an intimate conversation between page three socialist Amar Singh and BJP (Bipasa Basu and Jaya Prada). It is said that the best seller CD was sold at leading shops across North India and the party had singed a agreement with a leading media conglomerate to air the whole episode as a series on television. In fact the channel had even paid the mandatory facilitation fee of US$ 80 million through a secret account belonging to a senior leader in Caveman (sic) Islands. But the agreement fell through when a wag squealed and a news channel flashed the story.

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