Indian government mulling ban on conjoint celeb names

Government of India is seriously considering a proposal to bar the media from using conjoint names for celebrities who are in a relationship. Union minister for page 3 and extra martial affairs Chavvani Lal disclosed this to Humor Unplugged over a Skype chat on Friday evening.

The Indian government has been angry with the media here for a while for using their “256 Kb RAM imagination” to refer to celeb couples. “There was utter crap like Saifeena, Brangelena, Abhiash, Neeity and Shauri. If that was not enough now they have brought in another disaster called Shoania and this is where the Line of Control for our patience lies. I have had a meeting with top bureaucrats from my ministry and we have all agreed that a legislation should be enacted soon to curb the media from referring to a celeb couple using a mixture of their first names,” Lal told India’s number one blog Humor Unplugged.

Urging the media to be more imaginative, Lal said “This practice has its origin in ancient Egypt where Prince Tuta and his wife Khamun were called Tutakhamun where they were spotted together. Today, we are living in a different world. We don’t have people who build pyramids for themselves while they are alive. We instead have a leader who accepts cash heavy garlands and builds statues of herself to scare people. The media in India must keep pace with the times and come up with innovative ways to refer to celeb couples”.
Humor Unplugged reached out to a cross section of Indian media to obtain their opinion on the controversy. Poster boys of Indian media Arnab Goatsawme and Rajcreep Sorefake were not amused by the whole episode. Pointing a freshly sharpened pencil at HU, Arnab said “my channel Mimes Now uses a plethora of terms to refer to celebs. It is unfair on the government’s part to single out the media for this trend. Even people out there on the street refer to celebs by their joint names. In fact I would be too glad if someone joins my name with that of my wife Nagchampakali”. According to Sorefakeye, “We live in a grey world. Everything is grey here, my hair included, and in such a situation, if we add a dash of color with celebs, what’s the harm. Besides, who is complaining,” he asks.

Editor of Indian Ex-press (a paper that keeps a tab on the lives of exes of celebrities) Faker Gupta said “you cannot wish the problem away by bringing in a legislation; instead you need to tell us what else to use. I would say we need to give a public code to each celebrity couple and everybody must be asked to use this code to refer to that particular couple”.   

The maoists have meanwhile called for a renewed revolution to defeat such oppressive tactics of the Indian government. “This is why we are fighting them. I took up arms against the Indian government because they had banned Fashion Television for a week and I didn’t know what to do with my spare time. I had to give it back to the Indian government and so I became a maoist. This proposed legislation will lead to many more people joining the maoist movement,” Kishawar, a maoist leader told Humor Unplugged.


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