ISI to use terrorists on a pay-per-use cloud model

Al Qaeeda’s Pakistan arm Inter Services Intelligence (ISI) has decided to move away from a retainer arrangement with various terror groups and use a pay per use model (popularly called cloud model), going forward. The decision was taken at a high level meeting of ISI bosses held in Lahore to review the quarterly performance of the premier Pakistani terrorist organization last week.

Sources close to ISI (as close as Tiger was to his girlfriends) have told this blogger that the organization has decided to terminate agreements signed with groups such as GMAT-ul-dawa, Lashkar eh Toy-ba, Hakat-ul-Kacchar etc with immediate effect. The move stems from ISI’s belief that the terror groups nurtured and fostered by ISI to spread terror across the globe were consuming more resources without delivering on mutually agreed deliverables. ISI, according to sources, was disappointed with the minimal role essayed by terror groups supported by it, especially in India.

Bad financial health
“Thanks to the retainer, we were paying various groups for no reason whatsoever. Just take the case of India alone; months would pass without any infiltration bid, stone pelting, grenade\IED attack or a major terror incident in that country. However, the groups responsible for terror were billing us like bollywood stars at an award nite, thanks to the retainer. All that will change now and we will do a major rejig on the balance sheet front to land in black once again,” a top ISI official said.

It is no secret that the last quarter was a disappointing one for ISI. While the number of terror attacks sponsored by it fell by a whopping 14 percent, terror export was down 8 percent and against a receipt of 40 million dollars from the USA, the expense incurred on supporting terrorism globally stood at 47 million dollars, causing a major heartburn in ISI.  The retainer was identified as a major source of revenue outflow for ISI and the top brass of the organization decided to act immediately.

“From now on, we will only support and sponsor certain terror groups for certain activities. The days of retainer are over. Suppose I want my guys to throw stones only on a few days, why should I be feeding them every day,” the ISI official asks.


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