We did not ask MPs to indulge in Sex: Indian Government

In a strongly worded denial issued on a foggy Monday morning in New Delhi, the Indian government flatly denied issuing any statement encouraging Honorable parliament members to have sex before sessions to reduce aggression.

"These are baseless rumors and are the product of the fiendish imagination of a pervert mind submerged in a ocean of perversion. The Indian government has never issued any statement encouraging any citizen (or member of parliament) from indulging in acts mentioned in documents such as the Kamasutra before reporting to work," says a press release issued by the ministry of Information and Broadcasting.

It may be remembered that few days back, the parliament had witnessed a heated debate on the issue of government seeking certain details concerning the private lives of MPs. In this session, aggressive members were seen throwing shoes and slippers at various angles to target their opponents on the issue. Some even used the Internet in the library to post funny comments on the walls of fellow members on Facebook.

Members were furious to hear that the government had asked them to furnish details of the number of maids employed by them and their KRAs. "If they had just asked me to provide details of the number of wives I had, it was fine; but, asking me about my bai is an attempt to traverse into my private domain and is therefore of utmost concern to me. I don't want my bai details to appear on some god forsaken website," a agitated member of parliament said.

A few hours later, some members fell sick after drinking water from the cooler near Rajya Sabha, which was later found to be contaminated with Jatropha oil (Jamalghotta). CBI has been called in to investigate and is tracking a few leads.

After this debate, some members received a circular purportedly from the Indian government asking members to have "intimate sessions" before reporting to work. The circular urged members to "go for it" to ensure more peaceful and civilized debates in the house and had a reward for members following the instructions mentioned. The first five members with more than 15 love bites and their spouses were to receive a all expenses paid trip to a uninhabited island among the Andaman and Nicobar island chain.

Flashing copies of the circular, agitated members from both the left and the right wings attacked the government left, right and center. "Is this what we should be telling our children? Ours is a land of the Kodas, the Sukhrams and the Amar Singhs - they should not have stooped to such unfathomable depths," smsed a MP to this blogger. Responding quickly, the Indian government stepped in to clarify that no such circular was issued. "If you had claimed this 30 years back, I would have said we did it...but now I am too old for such things and besides, video games are more fun," a amused finance minister Pranab Mukherjee said.

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