The week ahead for politicians by Deadpan Hoochwala

Aries: indulging in selling flood relief contracts will rake in the much needed moolah. Flinging a slipper in parliament is not advised as the same could bounce back to you. Drink extra ginger beer to attract good fortune.

Taurus: Time to switch parties. Stars indicate that a ministerial berth is due in addition to stay in a posh 5 star hotel. Some hard bargaining could even fetch an unexpected international vacation for your family. Keep a Jayalalitha mask in your bedroom to scare away evil spirits.

Gemini: your other face will be exposed this week. DO NOT visit a flood affected area as a forced wardrobe malfunction is on cards. Your PA is channeling some of the bribes meant for you to his bank account. Go for a movie with family instead and maintain a low profile eitherway.

Cancer: Get yourself admitted to a prominent hospital and stay there for a while…a CBI raid or some form of legal discomfort is indicated. Wear a Himesh Reshamiya CD to keep evil eye at arms length.

Leo: Your position this week is simply weak. Stay away from nosey jounos and avoid any reference to the word Hawala in any of your conversations. On the personal front, an unexpected encounter with an ex is possible, so stay away from malls and other crowded places. Store lizard eggs with your cheque books and that stashed away money beneath your bed for good fortune.

Virgo: your position in the bee sea sea eye is under threat from a known friend waiting to turn into an enemy. It is advisable to throw your weight behind the national women’s cricket team this week. Cut a pumpkin into 4 halves and throw them in your neighbors yard to attract good fortune.

Libra: This week is good for tweeting. Mining and statue related work may bring in unwanted attention from courts. Keep a nano Mayawathi statue to scare away evil.

Scorpio: You could receive a nasty facebook scrap this week. The scene on orkut wont be any better. Investments in gambling dens and illicit liquor shops could keep the money tap in on mode. Keep a Mamta Banerjee poster on the south wall of your bedroom to scare evil away.

Sagittarius: Stay away from your maid this week. A spicy and intense affair is due anytime now so be prepared for it. On the negative side, you wont be able to sleep peacefully in parliament this week. Watch a Mithun movie at least three time a day to ward away evil influences on your good fortune.

Capricorn: Time to go on that Padyatra that you have been planning for a while (this will also help melt away that extra pounds gained during your last weeks foreign junket). Stay away from Twitter this Thursday.

Aquarius: do not indulge in fist fights or chuck slippers at opposition. This is the time to chuck something heavier and more irritating. Wear a thread from an old langot to keep evil at bay. Chant Koda-Reddy ten times a day to attract money and power.

Pisces: your role in some scam/scandal may be exposed this week. Maintain a low profile and shift to a convenient back bench in parliament.


Apple said…
Hehh..i LIKEE this one :D :D

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