Al Qaeeda recruitment ads

Al Qaeeda, the world leader in terror, is expanding operations to new business territories. For driving this expansion, we are looking at recruiting enthusiastic individuals for ‘c’ level positions with the right combination of qualification and experience. You think you fir the bill, we are waiting for you?

Vacancy code Asp 05
CEO: Chief Execution Officer: Responsible for execution of hostages and elements hostile towards the ideology of Al Qaeeda or its affiliates. This position is based out of Kandhahar and the incumbent will report directly to the regional head (elimination). The candidate must have worked for over 10 years in similar capacity with terror groups having operations in at least 5 countries.

Vacancy code ASP 06
Chief Terror Officer (CTO): Responsible for coordinating suicide attacks against enemy elements and targets. The incumbent will work with affiliated groups to execute terror plots strategized by level 3 leadership of Al Qaeeda. This challenging position will be based out of cities across Saudi Arabia. The candidate must have worked for over 10 years in similar capacity with terror groups having operations in at least 5 countries.

Vacancy code ASP 07
Coastal Operations Officer (COO): Responsible for managing the maritime operations of Al Qaeeda and its affiliates in East Asia. The incumbent will report to Chief Operations (East Asia) and work with part time pirates in the region. The candidate must have over 10 years of experience with a multinational terror group and must have fluency in atleast one language spoken in the region.

Vacancy code ASP 08
Chief Issue Officer (CIO): Responsible for identifying issues for motivating cadres across Asia. The incumbent must have at least 15 years of experience in a simmiliar capacity. Mullahs who have issued atleast 1000 fatwas will have a clear advantage. Candidate will be provided a cave and a donkey for local travel. Candiates who have watched a Hollywood move or have gone on a date or have done anything remotely western need not apply.

Vacancy code ASP 09
Chief Exchange Officer (CXO): The candidate will be responsible for managing the operational relationships between Al Qaeeda and its affiliates across the world. In addition to possessing similar experience, the incumbent will must have married at least 5 times and have managed complex relationships with ease in the past. Those who have Talaqed needn’t apply.

Vacancy code ASP 10
Chief Fraud Officer (CFO): Responsible for insider trading and fraud in huge multinational organizations. The incumbent will infiltrate a multinational company with an asset base of at least 300 billion dollars. The candidate will be expected to contribute at least 50 million dollars annually to Al Qaeeda coffers through illegal means such as Hawala and money laundering.


To apply to any of these positions, mail your CV (mentioning job code in the subject line) with a comprehensive covering letter, names of three referees and latest photograph to careers@alqaeeda.tr or log on to http://karmicsoliloquy.blogspot.com/ Interviews will be conducted in the first week of January.

















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