China's ambitious plans to spilt India

China, one of most hated and whining nations in the world, is never upto any good. From selling spurious cheap goods, toys laden with dangerous chemicals to poking its evil nose in the internal affairs of its neighbors, China has done all that and more. To add to that nation’s goodwill, it was found that china is actively pursuing a plan to destabilize and balkanize India. It has even appointed a commie to oversee the whole plan. Yukk Thoo Chin is man selected for the job. A self confessed weenie, Chin has been asked to finish the job by hook or crook. Our aggressive correspondent Arnab Ghostsawme met the man and asked him a few uncomfortable questions.

AG: China has set up a ministry to destabilize India? What will be next?

YC: That’s true and theres no next I want to finish this job off within my tenure. We are really afraid that India may soon develop strong leadership that will take on china head on even free Tibet and other restive provinces from us.
AG: And your fears are based on?

YC: See unlike my country, where the journalists are but converted commies, India has a free media that is constantly keeping the nation’s leadership on toes. Your generation next that is working hard for companies across the world will all be ready to don the leadership mantle soon and drive India forward like never before. You have always had a strong agrarian economy and your rural areas will soon start growing – may be even faster than metros. When you combine all this with the unbeatable might of your armed forces, china looks like a Pakistan in front of India. In comparison, our army is a bunch of zombies with better weapons and our citizens are prisoners and slaves. The media is as free as its counterpart in North Korea and our leadership is as exciting as reading The Hindu newspaper in candle light.

AG: China is trying to counter India, while you should be trying to work with us and look beyond territorial issues. You already have enough territory and still want more. I think you should surrender your greed and accept whatever is final. You shouldn’t eye other nation’s territories or try and create instability in other countries. Remember what goes around, comes around.
YC: Nothing comes around. Our commie leaders go around with so many girl friends and none of them come back so your theory is as valid as Mayawathi’s theory stating that her statues were doorways to a parallel dimension. We will continue our dirty work till we achieve our objectives. We feel threatened by everyone including smaller countries like Nauru and we have to ensure that no one grows into a threat to China.

AG: How do you hope to balkanize India..considering the fact that many of your provinces are asking for independence from Chinese rule? Shouldn’t you be focusing on them?

YC: May be, but our aim is to ensure that everyone else also undergoes what we are undergoing. You see in our case the destabilizing factors lead to Beijing; so we wanted to ensure that even in case of our neighbors, the factors had to lead to Beijing. We want to split India – infact Pakistan also wants to do the same and why do you think we are working so closely with a country as useless and parasitic as Pakistan?

AG: How can you say such things? One can trust a poison bearing snake, but not you guys. I ought to throw a shoe at you.

YC: Thanks, for the compliment, we get that all the time.


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