India gets a new terror report template
To ensure smooth preparation of post terror attack enquiry reports, Indian government has published a template that can be used by commissions and inquiry teams. This new template comes with filled up sections and can be used by babus and retired judges to come out with reports in just over 48 hours.
This template is the brainchild of Chavvani Lal, a babu with over 25 years experience in preparing post-terror reports. Speaking to the media in Mumbai, Chavvani said that he was inspired to prepare this template after he saw striking similarities between reports prepared by various commissions. “They all used to start with intelligence failure, venture through lack of coordination while touching upon terror cells and would end up blaming the central government. I saw this as an opportunity to standardize all these reports since anyway they were nothing more than costly eyewash designed to fool the public.
Chavvani’s report has pre-filled sections containing the usual sentences used by babus to prepare such reports. There is an additional section towards the end where they can customize their reports and pass the buck. As part of the process, babus can now simply fill in the blanks at the right places – some are as simple as just changing the names of places and modes of attacks and the rest will simply fall in place.
“The commissions set up to inquire into terror attacks do nothing more than laundering public money on snacking and such templates will help the government save tons of money in pandering retired babus and judges as the inquiry timeframe will now be less,” a sane source who had just woken up after a ‘extended mid-night call” told this blogger.
American ambassador to India has welcomed this move saying “now that we are completely supporting Pakistani’s anti-India projects, India must brace itself for more terror attacks…”
Pakistan's Interior Minister Rehman Malik releasing a sketch of the alleged terrorist behind the Lahore attacks...
This template is the brainchild of Chavvani Lal, a babu with over 25 years experience in preparing post-terror reports. Speaking to the media in Mumbai, Chavvani said that he was inspired to prepare this template after he saw striking similarities between reports prepared by various commissions. “They all used to start with intelligence failure, venture through lack of coordination while touching upon terror cells and would end up blaming the central government. I saw this as an opportunity to standardize all these reports since anyway they were nothing more than costly eyewash designed to fool the public.
Chavvani’s report has pre-filled sections containing the usual sentences used by babus to prepare such reports. There is an additional section towards the end where they can customize their reports and pass the buck. As part of the process, babus can now simply fill in the blanks at the right places – some are as simple as just changing the names of places and modes of attacks and the rest will simply fall in place.
“The commissions set up to inquire into terror attacks do nothing more than laundering public money on snacking and such templates will help the government save tons of money in pandering retired babus and judges as the inquiry timeframe will now be less,” a sane source who had just woken up after a ‘extended mid-night call” told this blogger.
American ambassador to India has welcomed this move saying “now that we are completely supporting Pakistani’s anti-India projects, India must brace itself for more terror attacks…”
Pakistan's Interior Minister Rehman Malik releasing a sketch of the alleged terrorist behind the Lahore attacks...
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