Meet Al Qaeeda employee ID 2237
Rajcreep Sorefakeeye tracked down Mustafa Abu al-Yazi, the goon who issued a threat to India on behalf of Al Qaeeda. Abu, in a video released last week, threatened India of “dire consequences” if India attacked Pakistan. In this interview the champion of journalistic patriotism Rajcreep manages to wriggle the Al Qaeeda moron into submission effortlessly.
RS: Who exactly are you? Every week we have some joker issuing threats to various nations in the guise of Al Qaeeda…
MA: My name is Mustafa Abu al-Yazi and I am the military commander of Al Qaeeda in the Tora Bora region. My employee ID is 2237 and heres my bionic ID card (flashes a piece of sand paper with a sketch on it). I admit we have some bogus threatening videos floating around on the web. You see the other day some guy couldn’t get an entry ticket to a Shakira concert came to our studio and created a threatening video calling for Jehad, if he was not given the ticket. These guys have turned Jehad into some kind of a joke…the other day some clown from the marcom wing of a public sector bank in Pakistan wanted to know if we would undertake a sponsored Jehad. They promised to fund all our missions if we were to wear a t shirt and arm bands with the name of their bank.
RS: Whatever. What’s the reason behind this latest threat?
MA: We had a conference call the other day involving key Al Qaeeda management guys. We also had the Pak Army chief on that call. He was shivering and couldn’t utter a word. When we enquired, he told us that he was scared of an attack by the Indian Army. He told us that if that were to happen, the Pak army would vanish within minutes. He even claimed that the Indian government had hatched a plot to kill all donkeys in Pakistan to hurt the Al Qaeeda..as many of our guys are currently dating donkeys…
RS: So?
MA: So we acted. You see eitherway there is nothing much that we do these days except issuing threats. We don’t have the money or the courage to do anything nowadays. So we decided to issue a threat. You have no idea of the amount of money we owe to that studio in Peshawar that creates these threatening videos and uploads them. He has now stopped accepting our requests. Also, one of our scriptwriters ran away to bollywood and other took VRS after marrying a donkey (in fact he created a video of the wedding and palmed off the bill to Al Qaeeda). I had such a hard time finding a budgetary head to place that expenditure.
RS: You are nothing but a bunch of clowns. Why don’t you all just drown in the sea or something? People like you are a waste of protoplasm, a burden on earth and even if they use an electron microscope, one will not be able to find a single good thing about you.
MA: Sea is pretty far from here and thanks for the compliment will pass it on to my seniors.
RS: And you are talking about threatening us? Dude, first learn to live with an apathic government, crumbling infrastructure, lady politicians like Mayawathi and Mamta Banherjee, sycophants like Nutalik, enormous taxes, non existent social security and moral hooligans and then maybe you will come close to being eligible for threatening us Indians. As far as Pakistan goes, the only reason why that exists is because we Indians are busy and have better things to do. The day we get time, we will be at the Durand line within 24 hours. Then there will be a real war on terror and flies like you will be squished without mercy. You can then probably move to North Korea and start issuing threats from there. Forget about our Army…even the good for nothing clowns like Mutalik are more than a handful for pests like you…so next time get someone to think for you before issuing a threat…
A dazed Abu simply faints and Rajcreep leaves the room.
RS: Who exactly are you? Every week we have some joker issuing threats to various nations in the guise of Al Qaeeda…
MA: My name is Mustafa Abu al-Yazi and I am the military commander of Al Qaeeda in the Tora Bora region. My employee ID is 2237 and heres my bionic ID card (flashes a piece of sand paper with a sketch on it). I admit we have some bogus threatening videos floating around on the web. You see the other day some guy couldn’t get an entry ticket to a Shakira concert came to our studio and created a threatening video calling for Jehad, if he was not given the ticket. These guys have turned Jehad into some kind of a joke…the other day some clown from the marcom wing of a public sector bank in Pakistan wanted to know if we would undertake a sponsored Jehad. They promised to fund all our missions if we were to wear a t shirt and arm bands with the name of their bank.
RS: Whatever. What’s the reason behind this latest threat?
MA: We had a conference call the other day involving key Al Qaeeda management guys. We also had the Pak Army chief on that call. He was shivering and couldn’t utter a word. When we enquired, he told us that he was scared of an attack by the Indian Army. He told us that if that were to happen, the Pak army would vanish within minutes. He even claimed that the Indian government had hatched a plot to kill all donkeys in Pakistan to hurt the Al Qaeeda..as many of our guys are currently dating donkeys…
RS: So?
MA: So we acted. You see eitherway there is nothing much that we do these days except issuing threats. We don’t have the money or the courage to do anything nowadays. So we decided to issue a threat. You have no idea of the amount of money we owe to that studio in Peshawar that creates these threatening videos and uploads them. He has now stopped accepting our requests. Also, one of our scriptwriters ran away to bollywood and other took VRS after marrying a donkey (in fact he created a video of the wedding and palmed off the bill to Al Qaeeda). I had such a hard time finding a budgetary head to place that expenditure.
RS: You are nothing but a bunch of clowns. Why don’t you all just drown in the sea or something? People like you are a waste of protoplasm, a burden on earth and even if they use an electron microscope, one will not be able to find a single good thing about you.
MA: Sea is pretty far from here and thanks for the compliment will pass it on to my seniors.
RS: And you are talking about threatening us? Dude, first learn to live with an apathic government, crumbling infrastructure, lady politicians like Mayawathi and Mamta Banherjee, sycophants like Nutalik, enormous taxes, non existent social security and moral hooligans and then maybe you will come close to being eligible for threatening us Indians. As far as Pakistan goes, the only reason why that exists is because we Indians are busy and have better things to do. The day we get time, we will be at the Durand line within 24 hours. Then there will be a real war on terror and flies like you will be squished without mercy. You can then probably move to North Korea and start issuing threats from there. Forget about our Army…even the good for nothing clowns like Mutalik are more than a handful for pests like you…so next time get someone to think for you before issuing a threat…
A dazed Abu simply faints and Rajcreep leaves the room.
Comments