We are running out of tricks: Naresh Goyal

Jet Airways chairman Naresh Goyal has declared that his marketing and communications team has run out of ideas on pressurizing the government on the INR 5000 crore bailout package. “We have tried everything from tying up with competition to sacking our own employees-but nothing seems to be working. If this continues, we will have to resort to cheap tricks to make the government toe our line,” Goyal said.

Goyal was speaking at a team offsite organized by his marketing and communications team to come up with ideas for bagging the dough. “They first tied up with rival Kingfisher to avoid poaching passengers and evolve a route sharing agreement. When that didn’t work, Goyal offloaded almost 2000 employees without notice and then took the employees back under pressure from various quarters. Goyal and his team have lost the plot; infact Goyal reminds me of Vijay Mallya during the IPL days. That man also did not have a clue as to what was going on,” an aviation industry analyst told this blogger.

Goyal came down heavily on his team at the offsite. “You guys will be next in inline and remember, for a handful, you wont have a Thackerey or Murli Deora backing you. Besides just by sacking you I can save enough money to run this airline for the next 20 years,” Goyal thundered. "Inspite of having the civil aviation minister in my pocket, we are still on the road. I had to watch some old bollywood movies and hire a script writer to pen a few lines to gain public sympathy and if you guys don’t come up with something good soon, you can all go back to Lalloo, he asserted.

From the national capital
In other rumors, television news channel Crimes Now has learnt that Goyal will be staging a huge drama in front of parliament next week. He has already brought in two truckloads of glycerin. The plan apparently is to have Goyal and some key employees cry in front of parliament and then go on an indefinite hunger strike, if needed. The company has already roped in bandicoot queen Mamta Baneerjee as a consultant for this purpose. Mallya meanwhile has planned to ask his brand ambassador Katherina Kaif to meet the petroleum minister to ask him to reduce ATF taxes. “A true gentleman will never disappoint a lady,” a source within Kingfisher told this blogger.

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