Exclusive sneak peak: Osama’s memoirs

In what could be a move to reach out to the members of the Booker jury and test his literary skills, world’s most dreaded terrorist Osama Bin Laden has declared that he will be penning his memoirs.

The announcement was made by his newly appointed spokesman Comical Ali. Many may remember Comical Ali as the hyperbolic media manager of Saddam Husssein, who used to hold elaborate sessions for the media wherein he would describe the “glorious successes of the Republican Guards” even as the coalition forces were at the Baghdad airport. Osama has managed to pull Comical from retirement for reasons best known to him.

“Osama, praise his noble existence along with 300 donkeys, has decided to speak the words of the ordained one. He will now show his opponents, who are not worth an old shoe, their respective places,” Comical thundered at the press conference in Peshawar. Coming down heavily on Bush, who had made his boss hide in the mountains, Comical said “this seed of the devil Bush will suffer a worse fate than a snow leopard that has wandered into the desert of the great Sahara. He will be devoured by a hyena that drinks the foul waters of the recycled spring near the sewage treatment plant”.

When asked as to why Osama wanted to write a memoir at this point of time, Comical said that his master was through with blogging and wanted to look beyond cyberspace to reach out to readers in various parts of the world with his story. “The chosen one has spoken his words through the posts he has been making over the last five years. Now he seeks more; more readers, more accolades and more recognition. The donkey thieves from the west have done enough to spoil his reputation and now the great mountain warrior, who changes langots at 15000 feet, will extract his revenge at the Bookers,” Comical said.

Comical also claimed that Indian director Mahesh Hutt will be turning the book into a movie. “The great instructor from far east (Hutt) will animate the great words of the one who does not need a Gillette Vector,” Comical claimed. Hutt is planning to rope in another two disasters Himrun Chaseme and Him-mess Race-Mia to play the roles of Osama and Mullah Omar. The book will also depict the love life of the man who has not been seen since 2004.

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