Terror fallout: Astrologer to be the new National Insecurity Advisor

The Indian government has constituted a panel of soothsayers headed by astrologer Deadpan Hoochwala to advise the National Insecurity Advisor on terror related issues. The panel, after studying the position of various planets, has submitted that the position of some of them was not favorable for the nation at the moment. It has also suggested that the PM wear a special bracelet to deflect terror attacks from the country’s soil.

Deadpan Hoochwala is planning to conduct special ceremonies to ward of an evil eye cast by some countries on India. He has also asked all intelligence personal to look towards north before stepping outside their homes and watch out for black cats crossing their paths. A key recommendation of the panel is to change the dress code of black cat commodes from all black to a mixture of maroon and purple. “A black cat commando crossing the path gives the same effect as a black cat crossing your path. And considering the fact that all key VVIPs in the country are guarded by them, this is something we need to avoid,” Deadpan claimed.

The panel will soon be replacing the complex intelligence apparatus in the country. Sources in the North Block have told this blog that Deadpan may soon become the new National Insecurity Advisor. Home Minister Shivraj Patil’s fashion consultant Pajama Lal will also be accommodated in the new setup. Pajama, it may be remembered, is the same guy who used to advise Patil on what dress to wear after each terror incident. Pajama had claimed that each terror attack brings much needed publicity for the minister and so it was important to ensure that he was wearing the right dress at the right time.

Mahesh Rutt to hire intelligence personnel
Leading Indian film producer and director Mahesh Rutt has invited the heads of Indian intelligence establishments to join his movie production firm in Mumbai. The invitation coming in the wake of fears that many heads will roll in the top intelligence establishment has been welcomed by the intelligence community here.

Speaking exclusively to over 300 channels, Rutt explained the logic behind the move. “I am amazed by the imaginative power of these folks. Apparently every week they send out a warning to many Indian states saying a terror attack is imminent. This makes it easy for them to run for cover when such an incident actually happens and that is something amazing,” Rutt claimed.

Rutt says that the intelligence will be hired to prepare scripts for his B grade movies that are a big hit in Pakistan. “I have been searching for unimaginative writers without any sense of foresight or vision and these guys fit the bill to the t. I have invited the heads of these intelligence agencies to join my firm at the earliest and I am eager to have these guys write my next movie featuring Iamrun Chaseme. This movie will feature only 45 kisses as I am pegging the kisses to the value of Rupee vis-à-vis the dollar,” he said.

Comments

Apple said…
A black cat commando crossing the path gives the same effect as a black cat crossing your path

Am i seeing a hint of supersttion here in the fastest developing economy?? ;O
Prayukth said…
heeehhe its everywhere Appy...everywhere ;)

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