Fake currency academy to come up in Pakistan

Pakistan has today proudly announced the establishment of an institute of excellence to study various methods of preparing and disbursing fake currency notes of various nations. The institute, to be established in the garrison town of Rawalpindi, will house the sharpest minds in the world of fake currency production in Pakistan and will teach batches of students all they need to know about the trade.

“Others are worried about establishing institutes of technology and science, we only believe in fake currency notes. Also why should we invest in something original when everything about our country- including the philosophy behind its creation, the government, democracy, the armed forces, the society and even the education system are all fake,” asked General Fakeshir, head of the fake currency wing of ISI.

Pakistan is believed to be investing heavily in this project that will initially be targeted at India and then other nations. Tinpot Pakistani dictator Musharaf went a step ahead and called the move a helping hand towards neighbor India. “We are aware that the Indian government may be facing a Balance of Payment crises in the future and we don’t want them to suffer that. That’s why I have asked the ISI to pump as much fake notes as possible and hand them over to India. This is the least we can do to empower this great country,” claimed Musharraf.

Pakistan has also agreed to help any and all countries that want any assistance in printing their currency. “As of now our mints can churn out the currency notes of almost 40 nations and we are investing in increasing the capacity over the coming years,” informed Fakeshir. “This goes well with our other religiously pious endeavors like trade in arms and opium,” he claimed.

In fact Pakistan is so much obsessed with fake Indian currency notes that once, it printed the image of Gandhi on its 500 Rupee notes. The incident created a flutter when Mushraf was caught paying an underwear vendor 500 Pakistani Rupees with Gandhi’s picture in it. The vendor who subsequently thrashed Musharraf and tore off his uniform, handed the culprit over to the local cops who gleefully send him to prison, without realizing that he was the President of Pakistan. On his release from jail, Musharaf fired the then head of fake currency wing of ISI and installed Fakeshir.

The new academy is Fakeshir’s brainchild and he has promised to usher in a wave of modernization to avoid the repeat of such incidences in the future. “We are already selling fake Indian stuff like DVDs, CDs, TV sets and have become so much used to it that we had to print fake Indian currency. Besides, being a banana republic with a useless middle class makes it harder for us to do anything productive,” said Fakeshir.


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