Kya aap hamarey neta sey tez hain?

In tune with the recent trend of testing the average citizen for various skillsets, a new reality show will take off next week. This show, christened Scaretell presents Kya Aap Hamarey Neta Sey Tez Hain (KAHNSTH), will test the political skills of ordinary citizens.

The show, to be aired on primetime national television, will be hosted by the one and only (thank god for that) neta Lallo Prasad. Each participant has to clear various levels and reach the final level (becoming PM of the country). The individual levels, starting from the Panchayat to the PM, will test the political acumen of each contestant. Bribes gathered by the player will fetch him points. At level one (village level), the dude will have to chalk out a strategy to clear a local project by extracting the mandatory bribe from the local contractor, without getting caught.

At the state level, he will then have to get a public works project cleared in his constituency, again without attracting the attention of nosy journalists\pressure groups. For the next level (state minister), the dude will be given a key portfolio such as revenue, home or PWD and he will have to once again make points, while the sun shines. At these levels, if a contestant is caught, he will have to leave the game or switch parties to stay in contention. A hypothetical scenario may also be created wherein, the existing government may fall and the dude will have to chalk out a strategy to keep his bunch of MLAs together and avoid poaching.

Once the contestant reaches the national level, the sky is the limit. There are many avenues for making points at this level. The contestant can indulge in horse trading, gain from defense deals, national level projects, petrol bunk licenses, human trafficking, multiple marriages, shady deals with business houses and so on. Each contestant will be given maximum number of opportunities to rake in points. If not anything, he should ask for money for raising questions in parliament.

Once the contestant reaches the PM level the game takes a dramatic turn. From here on its not just about raking in the points, it’s also about staying in power. If the contestant can survive bad press, horse trading, foul-mouthed opposition members and so on and last his full term, he wins the top prize.

Alleged film maker Mahesh Rutt, plagiarist music director Puppy Lahiri, reformed dacoit Langot Kumar, disgraced cricketer Manoj Probekar, two-penny activist Fakenaka Gandhi and our desi Rip Wan Winkle, Devil Gowda will comprise the jury. In each round, the contestant will be given one lifeline from one of the judges.

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