Exclusive: Bored masoomdar-K P S Gill interview

K Power Struggle ill, at the helm of Indian hockey for the past 14 years, is under increasing pressure to pack his bags. The man however is reluctant and is blaming the loss on everything and everyone possible. Our sports correspondent Bored Masoomdar spoke to the ex-cop recently. Presenting the exclusive interview…

BM: First of all, India is not playing in the Olympics for the first time. You say that this was expected. Care to explain your statement to the millions of disappointed hockey fans in the country?

KPS: You see we are not going to the Olympics not because of the team’s performance. I am in fact proud of the way in which our boys played. Some others didn’t perform and that is the reason why we lost.

BM: And who are these ‘non performers”?

KPS: The referee, who else? He behaved like a Cheap Bucknor and ensured that we lost. Also, the vaastu of the stadium was not right, the slope of the stadium at the North-West side was 36 degrees less than the norm. Further, on the day of the critical match, visibility was low and the hockey sticks used by our team were sort of wet and all…

Mr ill, the country is worried about the sad state of our national game. Agreed that we may be slightly more passionate about cricket, but that doesn’t mean we don’t follow hockey.

KPS. Yeah right. Who are your kidding Mr. Bored. Sports journalists like you are also responsible for our loss. You went to town with your pen when umpiring mistakes cost us the second test match in Australia recently. You almost buried Cheap Bucknor down in a flood of words. Why didn’t you do the same when bad umpiring cost us the crucial match?

BM: Anyone else to blame?

KPS: I have prepared a list here with me there are 25956 items on it and am still in the process of adding names. I will give you a copy of this.

BM: Come on Mr. ill, I didn’t expect this from a super cop like you.

KPS: Don’t act like a cry baby now and ask good questions, if you want good answers. Or else I will get you replaced.

BM: Guess you forgot. I don’t work for you, Mr ill. That reminds me we have had 14 coaches in 14 years any scientific reason for this?

KPS: Its part of the larger strategy to keep the fear alive in the minds of the coaches and players. I want them to know that everybody except me is replaceable. I want them to be perennially afraid. The only problem is that the referees cannot be changed or else we would have had won all our matches.

BM: At this rate you would run out of players and coaches.

KPS: Nothing to worry. I have plenty of watch and ward staff in my house who can fill in. Besides, some of my relatives can also chip in. if nothing else works, I will force politicians like Money Shankar Aieeyar to play.

BM: You must be joking.

No I am not. The last time I joked, I was hauled to the court by this lady. (The Delhi party incident).

BM: For the sake of all hockey fans I do hope that our team puts this loss behind and moves on. You may be aware that the FIH has threatened to take WC 2011 away from us if we don’t perform well.

KPS: Who are these jokers to tell us what to do? I will get them all replaced. In fact part of my strategy also covers bagging the post of FIH president so that I can bring in a law to change referees in all games every 5 minutes.

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