TEMPLATE ERROR: Invalid expression Humor Unplugged



Irridium found in Volkswagen exhaust: Maggi Lab

UPFSDA lab finds traces of Irridium in VW car exhaust

Humor Unplugged to file suit against ponytail

Why didn't you block our URLs?

Is Deepika Padukone cursed??

All her boyfriends are doomed says astrologer

Coal scam probe to cover allocations made since 3000 BC

CBI is serious about naming criminals looting the nation since Indus Valley Civilisation

Arnab Goswami tries to do a Manmohan Singh, gets mauled

Implementing reforms is a tough job for anyone

Thursday, February 4, 2016

US all set to export F35 jets to China

In the latest blow to the much maligned F-35 program, engineers have uncovered a slew of flaws during extensive testing of the newest versions of the F-35 Joint Strike Fighter, a Pentagon report said, adding to a litany of issues including software bugs, technical glitches. But a source within the Pentagon speaking on condition partial anonymity, told us that US has now decided to finally take the project to completion that too in a manner that "you wouldn't have expected".

"US is offering F-35 fighters to nations that are less than friends such as China and Iran. I was part of a snack hour meeting yesterday where we decided to do this. F-35s would make the enemy more vulnerable in the air and we will exploit that vulnerability to our advantage. They are getting ready to offer it to everyone including Russia," said Bill, a Flight Systems Specialist at DARPA.

China, it may be remembered has its own 5th Gen jet copied from the F-35. In fact, China had approached Lockheed Martin in May last year for a contract to fix the very same flaws that F-35 had which had turned up in the Chinese fighter jet. But Lockheed Martin politely refused. So China had no option but to keep its neck down till it figured out an alternative.

Pakistan meanwhile said that it was eager to repaint an F-35 even with the flaws.

Monday, September 28, 2015

Pak PM Sharif raises Kashmir issue with a burger vendor, gets thrashed

Pakistan Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif raised the Kashmir plebiscite issue with a hamburger vendor outside the United Nations Headquarter building in New York. The move follows the failure of an attempt made by the Pakistani UN delegation to raise the issue with UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon who said that he was sick and tired of Pakistanis humming the Kashmir tune for the zillionth time.

Ki-moon was apparently so angry that as soon as Sharif uttered the Kashmir word, he threw a vase at the Pakistani PM and asked him to leave the building. From Ki-moon's office to the cab Sharif took, he tried to raise Kashmir issue with everyone he met including the lift supervisor and the bell boy. Each of them asked Sharif to mind his own business.

Exasperated, Sharif finally caught hold of the hamburger guy outside the building and started talking about the need for self-determination for Kashmiris. The burger guy thrashed Sharif after stuffing a huge burger in his mouth. Sharif rolled over across the street and was run over by a passing chihuahua.

Pakistani delegation has refused to comment on the episode. While a source close to Sharif claimed that he has found a nurse in a local hospital who is willing to listen to his country's Kashmir rant. 

Friday, September 25, 2015

Irridium found in Volkswagen exhaust: Maggi Lab

Uttar Pradesh Food Safety and Drug Administration (FSDA) lab alias Maggi labs which had tested the Maggi samples that were found to contain an unacceptable level of lead, has now said that it has found traces of
Iridium in the exhaust of Volkswagen cars it tested. The tests were done by the lab out of curiosity and because the lab had run out of noodle brands to test. The test results will be placed in public domain this weekend after the government studies it, said L D Kumar, Head of Virtual and Invasive Testing at FSDA.

"This is indeed a rare instance of an element common among extra-terrestrial bodies being found in automobile exhaust. We have no idea as to how a rare element found its way into the automobile. It could have come from the fuel or the polymer lining the fuel tank. I am not going to speculate at this point especially since you are only a blog and not a newspaper, I will indulge in more speculation tonight on Newshour with Goswami," L D Kumar said.

As soon as the news was out, UP government banned the sale of Volkswagen cars while seven other states placed it on the "watch list". 3 other states meanwhile said that they will ban the sale of these cars in case there is nothing to ban over the weekend.

Maharashtra meanwhile banned the sale of  Volkswagen cars for a period of 7 days giving religious sentiment as a reason for doing so.  Maharashtra also wrote a letter to Rajdeep Sardesai explaining the reasons behind the ban to prevent the journo from going to town questioning the ban. "All pseudo-secular and closet socialist corners of the state have been informed about the ban in advance," a CMO spokesperson said.

When asked if they have done some research on Iridium, the spokesperson got angry and said "it is suffice to say that the element in question has been detected. The previous government had not done its work properly so the element went undetected and now that we have found it, we will impose a ban. Whether the element is bad or good, we will figure that out after a media backlash. For now let's enjoy this wanton display of government muscle," the spokesperson said.

Since 2009, Volkswagen had been installing elaborate software in 482,000 "clean diesel" vehicles sold in the US, so that the cars' pollution controls only worked when being tested for emissions. The rest of the time, the vehicles could freely spew hazardous, smog-forming compounds. When the regulators caught hold of this fact, they were less than pleased. VW is now facing fines of up to $18 bn. 

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Power situation in Bangalore goes from grim to "whatever is worse than grim"

Bangalore, according to our correspondent, is so dark during night that the sale of telescopes has shot up 160 percent in the city in the last two days alone. This is not to mention the mushrooming of many astronomy clubs in the city. With little light, the night sky appears bright with many constellations visible to the naked sky like never before and astronomy buffs are lapping it all up.

How did all this happen, you ask and here is the story. Bangalore is the only metro in India that has to bear over 5 powerless hours every single day. The situation is so bad that a few days back, a few Bangalore citizens promised to be more civic minded, if they were given more electricity and less powercuts.

People celebrating the return of power after a powercut
in Bangalore on Monday
"I admit the power situation has gone from grim to whatever is worse than grim. But I assure you, the situation will improve soon as we are negotiating purchase of 8000 MW of power from North Korea. Once this power arrives, powercuts will be history and I will be able to watch various spiritual programs on TV and my tablet as I have always done," said Karnataka's Kharief Gowda, Minister for Powercuts, Traffic Signals and Bovine Intervention.

"Yesterday, I had to go to my neighbor's place to sleep as I was scared of sleeping alone in the dark," a 'techie' who works for a mineral water company said,