The Times of India reported a few days back that a 3,000-year-old Egyptian mummy, the pride of the state museum in Lucknow, was dying a slow death because officials were able to stop its continuing decay. The mummy, as old as Kashmiri fossil Syed Shah Geelani, is apparently of a 13-year-old girl, possibly from the period between the 22nd and 25th dynasties of Egypt, and was purchased by the museum in 1952.
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| Arnab and Sardesai |
As soon as our living botox mummy Simi Garewal heard about the plight of this mummy, she caught a flight and landed in Lucknow. She wanted to share her preservation secrets with museum authorities so that they could use them to preserve the rotting Egyptian mummy. Apparently Simi couldn't bear the sight of a fellow mummy going unpreserved.
Sources tell us that the nation’s leading mummy asked the authorities to order a list of 200 items which included seaweed juice, pothole water from Hawaii, 20 kg of powdered and refined industry grade botox and mineralised thorium. When the authorities told her that they don’t have all that, Simi called up her home and asked someone on the other side to board the next flight available with the 200 items. Seems Simi had kept a stock of those items for herself.
In the meantime, a contingent of media persons from Delhi including NDTV's Barkha Dutt, Times Now's Arnab Goswami and CNN IBN's Rajdeep Sardesai landed in the museum and started scouting for information to do a feature on the Egyptian mummy. They were all surprised to see Simi there and started interviewing her with Barkha going in first with a bunch of unconnected questions.
When it came to Rajdeep, the man had only one question. “Simi, you are a better mummy than this load of pickle. Why don’t you go lie down there in that case, instead of that mummy? That will get more crowds and more money for the museum too,” Rajdeep asked giggling like a 3 year old who had just soiled his diaper. A fuming Simi didn’t wait for even a second before slapping the leading newsman. “Here I am, trying to do something good for the society and you are making a joke out of it?
You, have been making fun of me of every available opportunity and I have been waiting for this since a long time. This will remind you to put your tongue on a leash next time you decide to be a stand up,” Simi said.
Teary eyed Rajdeep meanwhile claimed that he was not the author of that question. “I didn’t have any time to prepare questions (wiping off his tears) so I asked Arnab during our flight to spare one from his list of 325 questions and this was the one he gave me and he is right here, behind me. Why don't you ask him,” Rajdeep said. But as soon as he turned to locate Arnab, he had vanished. Our source said he saw Arnab slither away from the backdoor as soon as Rajdeep got that slap. Rajdeep later told Humor Unplugged that the whole thing was a conspiracy by Arnab to humiliate him. He was still crying when we last checked.
Barkha meanwhile was busy calling someone in Delhi to update him or her on the development. NDTV Granpa Pranoy Roy meanwhile downplayed the incident and said that when he was starting his career such things were very common. He said that he started growing a thick beard in the 80s not to make a style statement, but to prevent people from slapping him.
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