Arnab Goswami asks Shilpa Shetty’s husband Raj Kundra to resign, gets pulped

The passport of Rajasthan Royals co-owner Raj Kundra has been seized and he has been asked not to leave the country till the IPL spot-fixing probe is over, a Delhi Police official said today.  The media which has been asking for a spate of resignations on the spotfixing gate, lost no time in asking him to resign. Leading the charge was none other than Times Now's L'enfant terrible Arnab Goswami.

“You, sir, have breached the ceiling of impropriety. You have demonstrated the shallowness of your personality and possess a soul that is currently indebted to the devil himself, thanks to your misdeeds. I would therefore seek your resignation at the earliest before this storm withers away and before another scam breaks out in this nation and eclipses your misdemeanors. This episode warrants your resignation and Times Now will not rest, eat nor visit the restroom till we obtain your resignation,” said Arnab Goswami on Newshour.

Raj Kundra was shaken to the core. After consulting an online thesaurus site, Shilpa Shetty’s husband calmly said “But I do not own an impeachable position in Rajasthan Royals. So what would I resign from? I not the owner and I am simply a cricket enthusiast not in the Gurunath Meiyappan mould though”.      

“You are not the owner? The papers I am holding in my hand mention your name in atleast 10 places. This document is the MoU Rajasthan Royals have signed with BCCI. If you are not the owner than how come this document mentions your name so many times? Is this document fake? Or was I drunk when I read this? You are lying Mr Shetty I mean Kundra.  I have even highlighted the places where your name appears in red. We have taken this printout on my new printer,” Arnab said.

Suddenly a break in programming appears and the voice over says. “Times Now was the first channel to ask N Srinivasan to resign and now on the trail of one of the biggest scams to hit Indian cricket, your channel is working hard to get a few more people to resign, just for the heck of it. Stay tuned as metal mouth Arnab Goswami hounds his next victim.

Programming resumes.

"Let me take a look at this document. Wait a second cabbage, carrots and bitter gourd? I knew we had a few vegetables in my side but this is not Rajasthan Royal's MoU," Kundra said. "Oh! thats my grocery list. Here is the MoU (waving another piece of paper)," Arnab said

“The document is genuine. So I think it is option b. You were drunk when you read this. If you had bothered to read carefully, my name is mentioned against the name of my wife Shilpa Shetty. She is the owner and since I am her only husband till date, they put my name there just as another level of identification,” Kundra said.

“So you don’t hold any position in Rajasthan Royals,” asked Arnab.

“No I don’t,” replied Kundra.

“Then how are you connected to Rajasthan Royals,” blurted Arnab.

“I am wedded to the owner of the franchise,” said Kundra

Arnab jumped on his chair when he heard this. He then made some weird noises and hopped around jumping from desk to desk across cubicles. He then hopped back on to his chair, adjusted his glasses and said "AHA! So that is the position you need to resign from".

“You want me to resign as husband of Shilpa Shetty? Are you mad,” asked a furious Kundra.

“I will answer that question in private. For now, surrender your Aadhar card. We will hold on to it till I  finish asking you the 300 questions I have prepared. It is either that or you announce your resignation on Times Now. I give you two choices. Either way it will be breaking news for us,” said Arnab with a not so concealed grin.

“I will give you breaking news. I will break every bone in your body and you will be in the news. Come here geek boy let me fix you good," Kundra said while rushing towards Arnab. The channel goes off air for a while and when it returns, Arnab Goswami is not seen but his broken glasses are found in one corner. The studio has been ransacked. Times Now sources told Humor Unplugged that their editor in chief has been admitted to a nearby hospital with 2 broken ribs 3 broken bones and a dislocated ego.

We didn’t attempt to contact Kundra.

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