Posts

Showing posts from February, 2013

Indian feudal managers association welcomes Yahoo move

Image
Indian Feudal Managers Association (IFMA) has wholeheartedly endorsed Yahoo’s recent move abolishing work from home option for its employees. IFMA has asked NASSCOM to issue a fatwa to all members to stop employees from availing the work from home option at the earliest.

“As managers, we need to be constantly surrounded by subservient employees and that  is a prime ego booster for us. We are not worried about productivity, innovation, flexibility or efficiency here in the Indian IT industry. For that you need to go to Silicon Valley or elsewhere. We just need a bunch of mindless zombies worshipping us and singing paeans. Our commitment to employee welfare and freedom is as fake as silicon implants you see in Beverly Hills,” an IFMA source said.

When we told them that work from home employees were more productive and loyal, the source shot back."What do you mean by productivity? If you mean they have more kids, I am tempted to agree," he said.

IFMA has quoted bogus studies th…

Vatican denies Pope quit because he was denied work from home

Image
Vatican has dismissed reports suggesting Pope Benedict XVI resigned because he was not allowed to work from home.

Since Pope Benedict announced his resignation on February 11, Italian newspapers have been full of rumors about conspiracies, secret reports and lobbies in the Vatican that they say pushed the pope to abdicate. Some reports hinted that the pope was angry with Vatican authorities for withdrawing his right to work from home. A few weeks ago, Vatican had asked pope to “stop logging in from home” and report to his office workstation on a daily basis, a move that was copied by Yahoo with disastrous consequences.

Italian media stories suggested that pope’s ‘justified’ anger over not being allowed to work from home was mentioned in the cardinals' report, which was handed to Vatican and is still secret. The Vatican has said that such rumors were a figment of some sinner’s deviant mind and were as far from truth as Satan is from anything divine.

Pak airforce grounded post Egyptian hot air balloon crash

Image
Pakistan has grounded its entire air force consisting of over 70 hot air balloons, 29 gliders, 45 kites, 2 dracos and 32 roving pigeons after a hot balloon crashed in Egypt yesterday. The measure was a precautionary one and will soon be revoked, Pakistan air force sources said.

“All our hot air balloons will be inspected by hot air experts including Pakistani home minister Rehman Malik. In the meantime we will also run random checks on all other assets such as hand gliders and kites that we have. I triple guarantee  you that the operations of Pakistan air force are not affected and the security of our skies has not been compromised in any way due to this move. We have brought in gliders from China and kites from North Korea on a wet lease basis to fill the gap that has been created. As soon as all our machines are cleared for flying, our air force will be back in action,” Pak air force spokesperson Mullah Somar said.

As part of its press briefing template, he read out lines warning I…

Man climbs Mount Everest twice in a week to avoid Bank’s telemarketing calls

Image
A young techie from Bangalore has become the world's first man to scale Mount Everest twice in a week, Guinness World Records has confirmed. Chhurbum Hana Nguyen (not his real name) 29, climbed to the 8,850 meter (29,035 feet) Everest summit on Feb 10th and 17th this year.

Nguyen, was apparently harassed by telemarketers from Highly Developed Nuisance Corporation (HDNC) Bank  who used to call him every 7 minutes from over 200 numbers to sell everything from Credit cards to Recurring deposit schemes. “Once they called me and asked me if I wanted a slightly used diaper. When I reminded the telecaller that HDNC bank doesn’t sell diapers, she said that she actually wanted to sell a banking product but since I was not interested, she switched tracks and started selling stuff that she wanted to dispose of,” Nguyen said.

To avoid the misery of being part of such enriching conversations, Nguyen changed his numbers twice and reregistered his number in the national do not call registry. He…

Man gets into Linkedin’s 10 percent club, applies for revaluation

Image
A north Delhi resident has asked Linkedin to reassess the number of visitors on his linkedin profile after he got a mail stating that he was in the top 10 percent most viewed profiles for 2012. His assertion is that his ex-girlfriends and jealous colleagues alone could have pushed him into the top 1 percent, let alone recruiters and prospective employers.

“I have asked them for a revaluation of my position. I cannot be languishing in the top 10 percent. I am definitely a 1 percent material. There must have been an error of some sort. Not only do my ex-girlfriends and colleagues know about my profile but it is also up there on my matrimonial profile. So I keep on getting visits from all kinds of people every day and now they tell me I am in the 10 percent league and I refuse to accept that. All kinds of crawlies are there in 10 percent and Linkedin has done grave injustice to my profile by putting me in their club,” Gillinder Singh said.        

He also claimed that if Linkedin does …

Humor Unplugged files suit against Arindam Chaudhuri for not blocking its URLs

Image
In a classic case of reversal of roles, Humor Unplugged has decided to file a case against pony tailed disaster and self-proclaimed professor for not blocking Humor Unplugged’s url criticizing IIPM and Chaudhuri. The case was filed at a tea stall outside the Sillichar High Altitude Court on Saturday. Arindam Chaudhuri, his wife, his ponytail, IIPM and two watchmen on duty outside IIPM’s Ghaziabad campus below a ficus tree have been named respondents in the suit.

Explaining the rationale behind the suit, Humor Unplugged’s lawyer, Chavvani Lal said “the episode has caused grievous and irreparable injury to the brand honour of my client’s portal. While all kinds of sites, some having page rank value in the negative and mere memes were blocked by DoT, my client was shocked to find people still visiting anti-Chaudhuri pages on his blog. The decision to block only a few sites smacks of arbitrariness and cannot be called a wise one. My client had the most comprehensive repertoire of article…

Hafiz Sayeed stole my lunch in Pakistan: Yasin Malik

Image
Kashmiri separatist clown and drought-face Yasin Malik, has claimed that he was never on a fast during his recent Pakistan trip but was forced to do so by none other than Pakistan’s home grown Osama, Hafiz Sayeed. He made this not so sensational claim during an interrogation session conducted jointly by RAW and IB in New Delhi today morning.

“Yes I was there at that meet(in Pakistan). I was to be paid Rs. 2,50,000 to attend one session. They (ISI) had told me that they had arranged a feast at the venue in my honor,” Malik said. The meet in question was organised by ISI and our sources in Pakistan tell us that the version blurted by Malik seems true.  

“I was asked to wear my natural frown and sit and whine as though Poonam Pandey had just finished explaining sub atomic particle deceleration that occurs at the edge of the universe. After just half an hour, Saeed landed at the venue, moved around for a while and vanished.  After a couple of hours when I moved towards the lunch area, I…