Showing posts from March, 2012

Vijay Mallya will have to mortgage his title "King of Good Times" with SBI

Times are indeed tough for liquor baron Vijay Mallya. India’s biggest bank, ‘surprisingly’ SBI has asked him to mortgage his title “King of Good Times”(KoGT) with it for non-payment of dues by Kingfisher Airlines.

The decision was conveyed to Mallya last night and he has been given 3 days to comply. Humor Unplugged has learnt that a very senior babu in the SBI, a pan chewing near fossil is interested in getting the title for himself.

 “Yes, I was told by my boss that a very senior member of the management of SBI wants to have the title and so my team was asked to draft a mail after office hours and deliver it to Mallya before 9 pm. We promptly did that,” a senior member of SBI’s marketing team told Humor Unplugged on condition of anonymity.

Our sources claim that babus in Indian Oil Skytanking (another Kingfisher Airlines creditor) were also interested in getting the title. Senior Mallya was unavailable for comment while junior had passed out at a pub in Mumbai.

Bangalore first city to have ‘pooly’ roads

Bangalore, the national pothole capital has added another feather to its cap. It has become the first city in the world to have water filled roads. The city’s infrastructure management body the Bangalore Development Authority has decided to convert certain stretches of its roads into water ways to allow citizens to swim or wade across.

“Yes, it is true this monsoon you bloggers will have one less topic to crib about. You fellows should take a look at that swanky road we have built, I say. It will be filled with water 24X7 from leaky Bangalore Water Supply Board pipes and so there won’t be any chance of a pothole developing there. You can swim away to your office, hire a catamaran or simply float around. We are turning the city into a giant water world. Now go and bother someone else and let me play solitaire in peace,” a BDA babu said.

Humor Unplugged got an exclusive peek at the watery road. It is definitely in a better shape than the roads Bangalore has now.

Dick Cheney’s old heart will be disposed properly: Obama

Cheney got a new heart today. But environmentalists across US were worried about the disposal of his old toxic heart.

President Obama has assured all US citizens that former Vice President Dick Cheney’s old heart will not pose any threat to the ecology of the country in any manner. “I can assure every American that my administration is taking every possible precaution in disposing of Vice President Dick Cheney’s old heart. I am personally monitoring the whole exercise and will ensure that there is 0 ecological impact and adherence to EPA norms at all levels and all steps,” Obama said in a statement issued Sunday morning.

Cheney’s old heart according to sources is the same one he had during Gulf war II and the war on terror. This heart is extremely toxic and Cheney relied on it to make some ‘tough’ and inhuman decisions during his career which became the subject of criticism later on. Cheney was advised many times to have it removed at the earliest but the former VP was in no mood to…

Is Kapil Sibal part of an iPad black marketing gang?

That’s what we felt after we came across incriminating evidence showing the union HRD and Telecom minister  walking out from an Apple store in London last week with 3 iPads in tow.

From Tokyo to Sydney, London to New York, thousands waited and waited to get their hands on the third materialistic incarnation of the iPad. Some who didn’t like the idea of sleeping on a cold pavement paid as much as £300 to skip the queue. While this was happening, some agents were buying as many as 70 iPads only to ship them off illegally to countries like India where the latest version won’t be officially available until end of next month.

While strolling around we saw Kapil Sibal patiently waiting in the queue with an unidentified lady by his side. As soon as Sibal got his iPad, he jumped up in jubilation, gave hi fives and hugged a few people in the store. Everything was fine so far but we couldn't help notice that Mr Sibal had ordered 3 iPads for himself and this is what aroused our suspicion th…

BJP goes hammer and tongs on Arindam Chaudhuri’s ‘alternative budget 2012’

Nutty professor Arindam Chaudhuri who is often ignored by almost everyone on the planet was shocked and surprised when his ‘alternative budget’ was attacked vigorously by India’s main opposition party – the BJP.

“This budget is meant to increase the burden of the common man who is already burdened by various burdens. This budget does not address the concerns of common citizens who are affected by price rise and so we denounce it. How can a budget that does not reflect the woes of the common man be passed? We demand an immediate roleback and an apology,” said senior BJP leader Arun Jaitely before trooping out of his house (thinking he was staging a walkout). As soon as he realised that he was walking out of his own house, he immediately came back; but held on to his stand that the budget should be rolled back.

A shocked Arindam Chaudhuri immediately rushed to meet top BJP leaders none of whom wanted to meet the pony tailed delinquent. But he was told later that the BJP was doing a dre…

Google is now an Apple Inc subsidiary

Inspite of our repeated warnings, Google continues to appease its masters in China. The latest provocation comes in the form of a completely distorted and untrue google map that shows Assam as a part of China. While the prevalence of low IQ in the clowns running Google is understandable, we didn't realise they were so stupid and god particle-brained. Eitherway, we are sure the Indian government wont do anything on this. So we have gone ahead and plotted our little citizen revenge on Google to show our absolute disgust at its shameless conduct. From today onwards, Humor Unplugged will call Google as Apple's wholly owned subsidiary and nothing less.  Here is a screenshot of google's new landing page, post Apple takeover.

Bhupendra Chaubey wanted to go cycling with Akilesh Yadav, gets thrashed

Bhupendra Chaubey had gone cycling with the new UP CM Akilesh Yadav just few days back before elections. But when the CNN-IBN journo went for an encore after SP won the UP polls, not only was he not allowed to meet Yadav Jr, but was mercilessly thrashed and dumped on an abandoned air field outside Lucknow.

Though SP sources have not confirmed or denied the event, eyewitnesses confirmed the veracity of the whole episode. “Chaubey came for another round of cycling with our new CM and he was roughed up instantly, wrapped in a sack and dumped inside an abandoned airfield. His cycle was in worse shape as one of our resident goons ran a road roller over it. We only need media before polls and once polls are over and we have won, these media people should be shown the door,” a SP activist said.

CNN-IBN group editor Rajdeep Sardesai has condemned the incident and called for an independent enquiry to bring the culprits to justice. According to sources, he will not be applying jackfruit juice …

Cracker explodes outside Arnab’s Goswami’s residence; security tightened

A cracker went off in a not so busy lane right outside Times Now Editor-in-Chief Arnab Goswami’s residence today morning. The cracker, strap on one, was timed to go off at 10:00 – the time at which Arnab usually goes vegetable shopping. However, due to some reason, the reasonably loud cracker exploded at 9:55 causing some stray dogs staying nearly a KM away to wake up and bark menacingly to voice their strong disapproval.

According to a neighbor, Arnab who had just stepped out  with his huge vegetable carry bag ran back to his house and slammed the door shut. After a brief visit to the restroom, he sat down and composed his usual 36 questions to calm his nerves. “It is the Israelis and they are now retaliating against the Iranians and they are making me a pawn in their game. They want to knock me off and put the blame on the Iranians and it's a deep game,” Arnab tweeted.

Hearing the commotion, Arnab’s wife Pipi Goswami, who was in the shower, came out and saw Arnab hiding below a…

Saif Ali Khan launches new book

Not to be left behind in celebrating World Book Day, literary connoisseur and economy-sized nawab Saif Ali Khan launched his second book at a private launch ceremony in Mumbai today. Humor Unplugged could only manage to take a snap before our reporter was punched and thrown out.

Saif is the author of the book. While he was busy looking for weenies to punch and scream at, we managed to speak to his lady love Kareena Kapoor.  "Saif was provoked. He’s a thorough botox free gentleman and would never get into a brawl, especially with women around. Whatever is being said is completely one-sided. This man is publicity-hungry. How can a man with a broken nose and jaw speak continuously on TV for more than 10 hours. He had a flat plateau nose even before Saif touched him," she said. When we asked her to comment on the book, Kareeena said "oh that. Well its a book and its got pages. It is black on the outside and the pages are white in color and it has got lots of sentences insi…