Research and Analysis wing nominated for Nobel Peace prize

Reports coming in from Oslo indicate that India’s external intelligence agency RAW has been nominated for the prestigious (post-paid) Nobel peace prize. Our sources say that a formal announcement to this effect will be made by the awards committee either today or tomorrow.

“Yes, it is true. India’s Research and Analysis Wing or RAW has been nominated and that too in the (peace) post-paid category and that is indeed an achievement for the agency and the Indian government,” a member of the Nobel committee said. In aftermath of a non-deserving Obama winning the peace prize, the Nobel committee had clarified that Obama had won what they called a ‘pre-paid’ prize. “This does not mean that the winner has paid us to bag this award. It merely means that while pre-paid winners like Obama are those who have displayed a potential to win, the post-paid winners are the actual winners who have won the prize based on their achievements,” the member said.    

“RAW has demonstrated remarkable ability to stay calm and mute despite grave provocation from Pakistan. They have reduced intelligence gathering to an exercise that is restricted to reading newspaper headlines. RAW will never ever be provoked into action and we are confident of that. That’s why RAW is a nominee and there are no two ways about it” the member added.

It may be remembered that this award should actually go to all Indian governments who have worked overtime to kill the agency and its functions. The process was started by the late PM I K Gujaral, who had shut down the then fully functional and capable Pakistan desk in the agency. The Vajapayee government followed it up by compromising the identity of a mole in the Pak nuclear establishment. The UPA government has turned RAW into the nation’s leading timepass establishment where babus and cops regularly go to play bridge and marbles.

RAW Time pass 
Humor Unplugged has leant that most RAW members have remarkably evolved hobbies. “I know one RAW sleuth who is an expert on Gene splicing another guy has published a thesis on the influence of Pacific Ring of Fire on El Nino. Some agents are part time faculties in colleges and a few of them are members of art clubs across the globe,” a former babu who was managing RAW affairs said.    


A RAW agent shows her
skill

A bored RAW agent in Karachi, fishing in troubled waters?

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