Showing posts from July, 2010

Images for the week gone by...wikileaks and facebook

Pakistan's foreign minister reacting to the Wikileak expose...

A night to remember
Tom and Cameroon shooting for the English version of DDLJ

Posing for Facebook profile pic
If only this poodle could speak....

CBI wants to launch a political party

India’s premier investigation agency the Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI) has indicated a desire to launch a political party in the near future. In a informal chat with media persons and Humor Unplugged, CBI director Ashwini Kumar, expressed his organization's desire to enter politics so that the ‘two penny’ politicians won’t get to decide the outcome of crucial investigations involving their political brethren.

“Yes, when politicians can become ICC chiefs, head sporting bodies and even act in movies, why can’t the CBI float a political party? We will rule this country in a fair manner and ensure that truth and justice prevail in every case. Besides, with one of our guys being the home minister, you can be assured that every case will be taken to its logical conclusion and that no politician will be able to guide investigations towards a dead end,” he said.

However, no sooner had he finished saying this, the CBI director was seen shivering and breaking into cold sweat. It w…

Its TAT for Taliban in Pakistan

The Taliban Admission Test or TAT was conducted across 102 centers across Pakistan on Sunday.  Candidates who pass the exam will be selected for joining the Taliban (Haqqani faction). The exam that attracted moth eaten mullahs, ex army men and other clowns, went smoothly and candidates were seen thronging centers since early morning. Prospective candidates are seen waiting for the exam to commence in the above pic.

Mayawati's close aid Chubby abducted, Cong hand suspected...

In what appears to be a tit-for-tat move, Mayawati’s trusted Lieutenant in New Delhi Chubby Devi went missing in the wee hours of Friday. It may be remembered that Nishant Patel, Rahul Gandhi’s close aide had gone missing recently and was found injured a few days back. Congress had then alleged that Nishant was abducted by goons affiliated to Mayawati’s Bogus Samaj Party (BSP). This kidnapping, sources say, may be a response to that abduction.

According to sources, Chubby Devi was abducted since she was widely perceived as the right hand of the Uttar Pradesh CM. “Initially, a van came and about four goons tried to push her into it. But Chubby was too heavy for them and wouldn’t fit into the van. The goons then changed track and called in reinforcements who came with a Scania truck. About 20 goons then loaded her into the truck and zoomed away. Everything was over in a flash and I couldn’t even finish my bowl of cornflakes,” said Chavvani Lal, one of the eyewitnesses while describing t…

Taliban training monkeys: Pak seeks more military hardware to combat trained simians

Pakistan has prepared a fresh wish list that includes 3 C 130 aircraft, 21 AH-64A/D Apache Attack Helicopters and 32 BGM 109 Tomahawk cruise missiles to combat monkeys trained by the Taliban. The request was made by Pakistan’s defence minister in a letter addressed to US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton on Friday. Pakistani media had recently claimed that the Taliban in Afghanistan was training monkeys to use weapons to attack American troops.

“These monkeys will become a big time menace over the next few years and we need to neutralize the threat now. Which is why we have asked US to help us with the latest military hardware that we can use to achieve this. The government of Pakistan is very serious about these monkeys and we are not taking this threat lightly,” Ahmad Mukhtar told media persons over an informal chat.

When told that Pakistan was trying to get its arms on military hardware by raising the Taliban bogey, an angry Mukhtar said “you think I am a clown? You think we are …

Bihar to install anti collision devices on its MLAs

In a decision with widespread implications for legislators in Bihar, the government there has decided to procure devices to prevent MLAs from running into each other during sessions. An ACD device will be installed on every legislator by the end of June next year. It may be remembered that the MLAs in Bihar had indulged in wanton display of uncouth behavior this week.

Humor Unplugged has learnt that the Bihar government has floated an international RFP asking prospective vendors to revert with details of their gadgets that can serve the purpose. Bihar has also decided to charge flower pots with electricity so that they are not used as weapon of choice by overweight legislators bend on causing destruction and mayhem.

The anti collision device, first tested in Taiwan, works by discharging 190 V of power when legislators belonging to opposing parties come within striking distance. The device is nothing but a chip that is embedded in the body of a legislator and discharges voltage as an…

Diapers cause rash in Indo-Pak talks

Its official and true. Pakistan has confirmed that it was indeed soggy diapers that caused Pakistani foreign minister Shah Mehmood Qureshi to behave in a odd manner at the recently concluded Indo-Pak talks. A rumor to this effect which was making rounds in various Pakistani newspapers was finally confirmed by Pak PM Geelani at a crowded press conference on Tuesday evening.

Displaying extraordinary levels of belligerence proably derived from Pak army, the Pakistani PM refused to apologize for the gaffe and went to extraordinary lengths to defend his minister. “Qureshi was suffering that day as his Mami Poko Pants diapers malfunctioned and he had to sit with a wet bottom for hours. He tried to convey his discomfiture to us, but we were not able to help since our official stock of Poko Pants was exhausted. Finally he couldn’t hold it any longer and had to go insane. Not many of you know that the brave foreign minister has a bad bladder problem and India should not make much out of the…

India sends pacifier to silence Shah Mehmood Qureshi

Taking a serious view of Pakistani foreign minister Shah Mehmood Qureshi’s attempt to kill Indo-Pak talks at the behest of Pakistani Army, Indian government has dispatched a pacifier to Pakistani government. The Indian government has asked its Pakistani counterpart to use the pacifier to mute the hippo-mouthed whiner Qureshi, before the clueless foreign minister displays more belligerence and petulance and does more harm to his country’s already battered image in the international community.

“That Qureshi is an embarrassment to everyone. He behaves like a small kid and whines like there is no tomorrow, as and when he feels his country’s position is weak. He is an overgrown kid, who doesn’t know how to behave in a matured way before an august crowd. We have asked Pakistani government to use this pacifier to silence the man, so that foreign secretaries from both nations can talk without being interrupted by the whining minister. We have also offered to send one of our best psychiatrist…

Pakistan to launch Mullahsat-1

In a bid to augment its terror capabilities, Pakistan has floated an international RFP to invite bids from global vendors to sell a sattelite to it. The RFP will be floated by July 21 and the vendor will be shortlisted by Aug 25 this year, sources in Pakistan’s space agency SUPARCO said.

The satellite to be jointly owned by the Haqani faction of Pakistani Taliban and Pakistani government will help Pakistan develop its terror capabilities further. Among other things, the satellite will be used to communicate with onsite Pakistani terrorists in 27 countries, guide terror attacks, conduct contactless recees of terror targets and help Pakistani mullahs issue fatwas over flimsy issues.

“We have always wanted a satellite of our own and this has proved an impediment to expanding our fatwa operations. After this satellite is launched, we will be able to issue 130 fatwas every day up from the current 24.  We will be able to issue fatwa on everything from weather to inflation. Besides, we wil…

Images for the week gone by..Lallos son in law on his way...

Shooting for a Rajnikant style movie in Spain

Lalloo's son in law on the way to his office
A Chinese army solider arrested inside Indian territory for intrusion is given a 'treatment'  he will never forget
Loneliness is not good for anyone....
Winner of the 'Duh look' contest

Sometimes...its the small things in life that matter :)

Pakistan begins hunt for new foreign minister

Amidst all the hullabaloo over the failure of Indo-Pak talks, Pakistan has quietly embarked on a mission to recruit a junior minister in its foreign affairs ministry. Sources in the Pakistani government have told Humor Unplugged that the government is seriously looking out for a candidate who can fill in the shoes of the existing foreign minister Shah Mehmood Qureshi.

Qureshi, who is suffering from BP-related problems and cannot speak at noise levels below 110 decibels, will have to retire soon and Pakistan doesn’t want to have an amateur take up the post when the inevitable happens. “Qureshi has many health problems. Ever since his wife ran away with a pumpkin salesman, he acts in a funny way whenever he sees someone talking over a phone. He has had schizophrenia since childhood and believes that he is an Oscar winning actor action hero from Hollywood.  He also feels that he is communicating with everyone around him through a long distance call and he keeps screaming his lungs out t…

Octopus Paul will join Obama administration

After being branded traitor for predicting a Spanish victory, psychic food reader and all round astrologer Octopus Paul has decided to leave Germany and will be traveling to the United States, his new home soon. He will be joining the Obama administration as the Secretary for deriving the final exit strategy for moving US troops out of Afghanistan. Our mole in the US government has informed us that a formal announcement on this could hit the wires as early as Monday next.

Our source tells us that two senior US generals have been asked to feed Paul and keep dropping food packets marked with numbers corresponding to plans for troop withdrawal. “Obama is in fact so serious about the whole thing that he has dispatched a teleprompter to help the Generals address the media as and when the Paul selects the final plan.

Back home in India, self proclaimed spiritual leader Chavvani Anand has claimed that there was nothing extraordinary about the whole episode. “You know you can find out if its…

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Bundh preparations almost complete: IBM

The national association of bundh supporters, united under the banner of Indian Bundh Morcha (IBM) has declared that the preparations for the nationwide bundh on Monday are almost complete. The association will get into action on Monday and ensure that the bundh is complete in every respect, a release issued by IBM on Saturday said.

IBM has already procured 6000 rethreaded tyres for burning, identified over 300 roads, held over 40 demos and deployed over 1000 stone pelters in various parts of the country. The group will start the Monday bundh with a attack on public properties and will make every attempt to ensure that there are untoward incidents. “We haven’t had a decent bundh in years. It’s been a while since I burnt a tyre or pelted a stone and my hands are simply itching for a fight. Besides, many of the goons on our rolls have been getting restless and some of them have even left IBM for regular jobs. Many of these guys have become politicians. So we had to organize a successfu…

Racist swap: Howard to be replaced by Steve Bucknor

Australia and New Zealand have decided to replace former Aussie PM John Howard with a new candidate for the post of ICC president. The move comes in wake of stiff opposition to Howard’s candidature from South Asian countries and South Africa. Humor Unplugged, India’s most read blog, has learnt that the replacement candidate is as bad, if not worse, than Howard. The guy replacing him is none other than amoeba brained umpiring monolith Steve Bucknor.

Sources close to the cricket boards in Australia and New Zealand told Humor Unplugged that the move is designed to cock a snook at the countries who opposed Howard’s candidature on account of his horrendous past. “Yes, it’s true we have decided to pull our good old friend Bucknor in. Steve has always supported us in whatever we did and the fact remains that he has helped us win many matches and so he was the ideal candidate for this post from our side. Also, the fact that his cranial capacity is a measly 13 CC also helped; since we didn’t …