Posts

Showing posts from June, 2010

Images for the week gone by..Remembering the King of Pop

Image
Oh man!!! Why did they have to insert a chapter on Mayawati in our books???

Customer feedback...

The side effects of the G 20 meet in Canada

'Shell' out more for your miles from now on
The Indo-Pak effort at Wimbledon
We are so proud of you :)

Remembering the King of Pop

Pakistan announces new terror team to target Commonwealth Games

Close on the heels of the visit of Indian home minister P Chidambaram, Pakistan has announced a 12 member squad to continue and augment its terror activities in India. The team, nominated jointly by Pakistan’s ISI, Taliban and army contains some of the big names in the field of terrorism and sneaky warfare and is expected to commence work soon.

The team includes:

Maulana Masood Azhar (C) 
Zaki-ur-Rehman Lakhvi (VC)
Yusuf Muzammil
Abdul Karim Tunda
Mohammed Ibrahim Athar Alvi
Anwar Ahmed Haji
Abu-Al-Qama
Shahid Akhtar Sayed
Mohammed Ahmed Dossa
Riyaz Abu Bhakar Khatri
Mohammed Yusuf Shah alias Saluddin
Zahoor Ibrahim Mistri (12th man)
Dawood Ibrahim (Manager)
Hafiz Sayeed (Coach)

Among other things, this team has been tasked with carrying out terror attacks to disrupt the upcoming Commonwealth Games in New Delhi. Dawood Ibrahim has been asked by the ISI to arrange a meet soon to discuss and finalize the KRAs for each team member. Humor Unplugged has learnt that Pakistan is in a hurr…

Karnataka, now a wholly owned subsidiary of Reddy Brothers

The Obulapuram Mining Company (OMC), owned by Reddy brothers has informed the Bombay Stock Exchange that they have completed the acquisition of Karnataka on Wednesday. The acquisition was completed following the exit of Lokayukta Justice N Santhosh Hegde, the last major port of resistance to the Reddy brothers' monetary juggernaut. With this acquisition, the Reddy brothers will no longer be the backoffice rulers of the state and have emerged as the crowned rulers, whose will will now dictate the future of the people of Karnataka.

Greedy Reddy, the eldest of the two, tried his best, but could not hide his excitement at the turn of events. “This is indeed great news. We now have an entire state for ourselves; can you believe it? I will turn Karnataka into one giant mine…we will even extract minerals from land owned by IT companies. From now onwards all mines will be mine…” he said bursting into a Ravan style laughter. His aides had to sedate him to prevent him from slipping into hy…

Seats for sale: 75 percent of Rajya Sabha seats will now come under the management category

Image
It’s an open secret that many of the MPs who made it to the Rajya Sabha, have done so by flexing their monetary muscle. To prevent money from influencing future Rajya Sabha elections, the UPA government has decided to enact a legislation to convert 75 percent of the houses seats into ‘management seats and reserve them for candidates with ‘truckloads of money’.

The bill, a draft of which is available with Humor Unplugged, states that in the future seats for the Rajya Sabha will be auctioned through public auction to the highest bidder. These seats will belong to a category called management quota ala medicine and engineering and the revenue earned will be used to run parliament and reduce the government’s fiscal deficit. The highest bidder will be nominated as deputy speaker while others will get cushioned seats, mini fridge chocolates, earphones, dedicated LCD screens, FM radio and movie channel, based on individual bids. The lowest bidders will be moved to the Deve Gowda bench (the …

Images for the week gone by..World cup humor...

Image
Typical fight at the World Cup...
Get that darn BP chief here right now: Obama Pakistan's Foreign Minister performing in front of representatives from Obama administration

Should be careful about what you eat...before your turn up at the World Cup

Ways to celebrate World Cup victory - method # 3456 jumping on someone's cab

Outside the Indian Parliament

The image of the week...

After Lok Sabha and Rajya Sabha, it will be Chor Sabha

Recognizing the need to have a separate house for elected criminals and thugs, the government of India has started working on a draft bill to trifurcate the national parliament and create a new Sabha for criminals. The new house, to be tentatively called Chor Sabha, will be home to goons (convicted or charged) who are elected to parliament. 

Humor Unplugged has learnt that the new house will be established by the next Lok Sabha elections.  Criminals who become MPs in that election will be seated in this new house, which will be fully functional with its own unique features. The speaker will be replaced by a bouncer while the well of the house will be a wrestling ring and MPs will be allowed to thrash\bludgeon each other, whenever needed.  MPs will be allowed to bring knifes and other sharp objects inside the house and the governing party MPs will be empowered to collect the mandatory hafta from opposition party members.  

“This has been our long standing demand. We wanted a separate…

Pandemonium in parliament, MP calls Mamta Banerjee a Vuvuzela

Image
The Indian parliament today witnessed unprecedented scenes of violence and chaos, all thanks to an alleged statement made by a communist party of India (M) member of parliament.

The member, while participating in a debate on railway safety, said "Mamta Banerjee was as irritating as a Vuvuzela" (a irritating stadium horn commonly blown by fans at World Cup football matches in South Africa). A shocked and enraged railway minister accompanied by a set of her MPs immediately rushed towards the MP (not named here for security reasons), dragged him to the well of the house and thrashed him with copies of Railway budget 2009-11 in a seemingly endless frenzy. Needless to say, the MP, was subject to a forced wardrobe malfunction and suffered a broken rib cage, multiple fractures and went into comma. The speaker of the house who tried to intervene was not allowed to do so by a group of Trinamool Congress MPs who formed a cordon around ground zero and did not allow anyone in, till the…

Pakistan installs Automated Denial Machine outside its foreign ministry office

Image
In a bid to improve it’s battered image in the world community, global terror hub Pakistan has installed a device to automatically issue denial of any link with any terror attack in any part of the world within minutes of the news hitting the wires.  The device, called Automated Denial Machine (ADM), has been installed outside the premises of Pakistan’s foreign ministry in Islamabad and is designed to issue a formatted denial on a range of terror events.

According to sources the device constantly monitors global news feeds and the moment it comes across a news item on terror attack, it automatically issues a denial on behalf of the Pakistani government. The denial will be comprehensive and state that Pakistan doesn’t have any role (direct or subtle) in the attack and will extend all possible help to the affected country to bring the culprits to book. The statement issued by the ADM will end with expression of solidarity with the affected country and sympathy for the victims.

“I am t…

Images for the week gone by..World cup is here

Image
Who says I cant fly???

Lion: Hey dude, the World Cup is happening on the other side of the town. Whatya doing here..?

Ways to increase your memory..method #543687 increase blood flow to brain
Did you see this guy??? He is my dentist...




A ad thats part of the 'Make Noise' campaign launched by a media group in South Africa depicts a noisy Lok Sabha session. The Indian government has lodged a strong protest over this
Image of the week: FNB stadium in Joburg

Warren Anderson to get Padmashree: President Obama sends congratulatory message

The Indian government has decided to nominate Union Carbide criminal Warren Anderson for the prestige-ious Padmashree awards. In a official press release issued by the Home Ministry said “This award is in recognition of the stellar services Mr Anderson has rendered towards reducing Indian population and for establishing an example for other politicians to follow, when it comes to evading justice and mocking the legal system of our country. Mr Anderson is a shining example for others to follow and our government, the judiciary and the executive collectively, and in complete union, appreciate and admire Mr Anderson and request him to come and collect the award in person”.

Warren Andersen, while thanking the three wings has agreed to receive the award and said that he will be traveling to India soon to collect the award. “My Indian visa has already come and it’s just a matter of time before I come to India. I am spiritually connected to this country, which has spurred my spiritual imagi…

Indian government will table the No Liability Bill soon

After letting the Union Carbide criminal Warren Anderson scot free and freeing US nuclear vendors of any liability in case of a disaster on Indian soil, the Indian government has drawn up plans to bring in a new law that completely eliminates any further liability on itself or on any other private state, non-state or even non Indian entity. Humor Unplugged, India’s most read blog, has accessed confidential papers that suggest that as per the new law still in the drafting stage, the government and\or other entities will be exempt from paying even a penny to the victims of any disaster – natural or otherwise.

“From now on the Indian government will be a mute spectator. In case of a disaster, our role will end with issuing a strong statement condemning the incident using strong words, shedding a few official crocodile tears and displaying fake sympathy towards the victims. The word disaster could mean anything from a plane crash, industrial accidents to flood or Tsunami. All …

Home minister Chidambaram wants extended mandate to fight stray dogs

National Association of Stray Canines (NASTY) has condemned the recent attack on its members in Bangalore. The attack that happened recently grabbed headlines when it was initially classified as an attack on spiritual guru Sri Sri Ravishankar.  A subsequent inquiry however found that it was not an attack on Sri Sri, but a cold blooded assault on a few stray dogs who had managed to stray near the farm of a trigger happy farmer, who retaliated by firing a few rounds at the hapless canines.

NASTY spokesperson and power mom Menaka Gandhi while condemning the incident said “this is indeed unfortunate.  Some person who was out of his senses attacked a few of our comrades a few days back. We condemn the incident in the strongest possible terms and urge the government to give exemplary punishment to the perpetrator. The safety of stray dogs is becoming a source of worry for many of us. Cities are becoming increasingly unsafe for strays with a canine being attacked every 10 minutes. If this c…

Images for the week gone by..who wants to become a Mayawati

Image
On the sets of Kaun Banega Mayawati contest....

The Moonsoon is here...

Tungurahua, another funnily named volcano...no wonder it is spewing fire

Portugal's World Cup team has a tiny supporter

Run, the joker is here


The pic of the week

India threatens David Headly with a ride in Indian air space

With a team from the National Investigation Agency (NIA) getting access to Pakistani origin terrorist and LeT operative David Coleman Headly, the Indian government has authorized it to use all available means to extract ‘relevant’ information from him. Humor Unplugged, India’s only 24X7 blog, has managed to obtain secret notes handed over to NIA team members that lists out a series of threats to be made to the global terrorist to make him sing like a canary on his links with the army and the terrorists in Pakistan.

One of the confidential notes written by a senior home ministry mandarin says “If the culprit manages to evade questions and acts in an evasive manner, NIA investigators will have the mandate to use all imaginary and creative means possible to threaten him. Though he is in the custody of USA and will be subject to the laws there, the team will not be expected to be bogged down with diplomatic formalities and futile pursuits that will lead to nowhere. The team will have to …

Idiot bomber forces Pakistan to revise terror curriculum

Pakistan has decided to revamp the education system in the areas run by Taliban after Faisal Shahzad aka Idiot bomber, a terrorist indoctrinated, educated and trained in that country was arrested by the US in a failed plot to bomb Times Square in New York recently. Pakistani government sources told Humor Unplugged that the Federal Board of Madrasa Education in Taliban Ruled Areas (FBMETRA), the government body responsible for developing and controlling Madrasa Education and vocational terror training in Taliban controlled areas, has been asked to prepare a revised curriculum that will curb the emergence of IQ deficient terrorists like Faisal.

Gomar Khan, the chairmullah of FBMETRA was summoned by the education ministry twice this week for “elaborate discussions” on the future of Madrasa education in areas occupied by Taliban. “This Idiot bomber has really brought ignominy to our great country with his act. After September 11, the UK bombing, Dec 13 and 26-11in India our boys had earne…