Showing posts from February, 2010

Now Bhais want OBC tag...

A group of influential gangsters representing the interests of goons across the nation has urged the Indian government to accord an Other Backward Class (OBC) status to their community. The group calling themselves the Beloved Hoodlums Association of India (BHAI), has asked the government to move a bill to this effect in parliament at the earliest.

“Since the days of the earliest Bhai Dr. Ravan from what is now Sri Lanka, Bhais have been discriminated against and had to endure all forms of social injustice. We have never been able to rise and enjoy the fruits of freedom like our fellow citizens, since we have been oppressed for ages and all this inspite of the fact that we have our own language and culture,” bemoaned group spokesperson Pappu Yadav in an exclusive interview to Humor Unplugged.

The group claims that the government has been consistently neglecting the welfare of Bhais in the country. “Last year during recession, we were facing a huge financial crisis. Under recoveries w…

The week gone pics

Wear your attitude

From the Hit Series Jailed Abroad

Nothing should run on Windows this Truck owner realized

The PETA ad: rubbing salt on Tiger's wounds

Nature is getting more fashion savvy..

The future of Afghanistan...

Hussein down…Rathore, Mutalik and Maya in queue

India will be inking an exclusive agreement with Qatar to export more citizens to that country, soon.  Humor Unplugged has learnt that after absorbing M F Hussein, Qatar is now getting ready to welcome certified clowns S S Rathore, Pramod Mutalik and Mayawathi, who will be among the first batch of deportees from India.

“Qatar is indeed doing us a major favor. We are looking dumping many of our unwanted citizens on that country as they displayed remarkable willingness on this front. I have moved a first list that includes SS Rathore, Pramod Mutalik and Mayawathi to our minister for approval,” a senior diplomat in the external affairs ministry said. He said that the process had gained momentum offlate and an agreement between the two nations will be inked soon. The Indian government has in the meantime asked the law ministry to prepare a draft of a legislation to deport unwanted citizens. The ministry, according to sources will be targeting high profile citizens who are of nuisance val…

Opposition now plans to corner Government on temperature rise

After going gung-ho on its alleged victory on the floor of parliament over the price hike issue, a jubilant opposition now wants to corner the government again over rising temperature across the nation. At a meeting held in a dhabha on the outskirts of Delhi, opposition leaders Arun Jaitley, Mulayam Singh Yadav, Lallo, Prakash Karat and weight loss mascot Jayalalitha agreed to do an encore in the coming week.
Speaking exclusively to Humor Unplugged, Arun Jaitley said “What is the government doing about the rising temperatures across the nation? We have had enough of this government and if they can’t do anything about it, let them go…we can do a better job of sitting in the treasury benches without doing anything,” he said. 
“Everyone else is fine but I also have to wear these two ton bulletproof bedsheets wherever I go and inside its as hot as the sun’s surface. In some places where I go, even two ACs are not enough. I am very angry with this government, it seems like they are working w…

ISI to use terrorists on a pay-per-use cloud model

Al Qaeeda’s Pakistan arm Inter Services Intelligence (ISI) has decided to move away from a retainer arrangement with various terror groups and use a pay per use model (popularly called cloud model), going forward. The decision was taken at a high level meeting of ISI bosses held in Lahore to review the quarterly performance of the premier Pakistani terrorist organization last week.

Sources close to ISI (as close as Tiger was to his girlfriends) have told this blogger that the organization has decided to terminate agreements signed with groups such as GMAT-ul-dawa, Lashkar eh Toy-ba, Hakat-ul-Kacchar etc with immediate effect. The move stems from ISI’s belief that the terror groups nurtured and fostered by ISI to spread terror across the globe were consuming more resources without delivering on mutually agreed deliverables. ISI, according to sources, was disappointed with the minimal role essayed by terror groups supported by it, especially in India.

Bad financial health
“Thanks to the…

First pic of Pakistani UAV

"Pakistan Defence Minister Chaudhry Ahmed Mukhtar has said his country would soon be manufacturing unmanned drones in collaboration with the US. Talking to a private television channel, Mukhtar said Pakistan would soon start rolling out drones, which have proved quite useful against extremists in the lawless tribal regions." Our correspondent has managed to lay his hands on a top secret pic of the it is

Iranian girls can help India negotiate better: Expert

The Iranian girls Asar Fajeli (28) and Fatima Mohamid (26), who went on a drunken rampage in Bangalore recently will soon essay a new role, according to a strategic affairs expert Dr Hammerschmidst. The renowned doc has asked the Indian government to accommodate the two in all future teams that are negotiating with hostile parties on issues critical to Indian interests. This move, according to him, will help India's cause in a big way.

“These two girls have demonstrated aggression that has been missing in all negotiations that India has had.  The consequence, be it talks with Pakistan, China or the extended negotiations on climate change, has been the same – we never had our way and all this will change once these girls hop onboard. Besides, there's nothing much that they have to look forward to in Iran, except a few whips,  Hammerschmidst told this blogger”. 

“In the future, these girls should be part of all negotiations and as and when we feel that the opposing side is not …

India will start distributing artificial sugar through PDS; artificial dal is WIP

In a move designed to arrest the spiraling prices of sugar, Indian government has decided to sell artificial sugar to public via the network of ration shops spread across the nation.  The synthetic clone of natural sugar will now be vying for a place in the carry bag of many an Indian from the first week of March this year.

It may be remembered that the UPA government was relying heavily on union agriculture minister Sharad Pawar to rein in the sky rocketing prices of sugar in the country. But the minister it seems was too busy dreaming about the moolah that IPL would rake in this season. All attempts to pull him out of his monetary slumber proved futile and UPA bosses decided enough was enough.

“This is our way of attacking hoarders and black marketers. By selling artificial sugar we will reduce the commodity pressure on natural sugar in the market and reduce demand for the same. Artificial sugar will be sold at a competitive price and we will try and bring in an artificial equivalen…

Pakistan to extend all possible and impossible assistance to India

Pakistan’s ‘nano’ PM Pant Geelani has vowed to assist India in “every possible and impossible way” to bring the perpetrators of Pune blasts to book. He made his statement of empathy while delivering his keynote address at a thinly attended meeting organized by the Anti-India Jehadi forum in Karachi on Monday.

“We stand shoulder to shoulder with India in this hour of darkness. We are completely aware of the pain and suffering in India at this moment as we are also victims of terrorism. It is a different issue that our terrorism is home grown but we victims none the less,” Geelani said.  When asked as to what help Pakistan will render, Geelani said “We have postponed the next edition of the Kashmir solidarity meet and asked our terrorists not to threaten India directly at meetings, but focus instead on adopting the time-tested route of issuing threatening videos on You Tube. We will also help bring the culprits behind the blast to justice. Even if they are hiding underneath my wife'…

Images from the week gone by...

Pakistani innovation at work:

A snap from the top secret Center for Advanced Molecular Biology, Lahore. This one shows a stockpile of Pakistani biochemical warheads. Pakistan plans to mount these on the repainted M-11 missiles it will be importing from China.

Pakistan claims to have indigenously developed a advanced Armored Personnel Carrier (APC) designed to ferry its troops safely into dangerous enemy territory. Pakistani defense scientists have claimed that that the APC can operate effectively in various operational theaters with ease and can even go amphibious, if needed. Here is a prototype of this vehicle being carried to a forward base.

Obama is deeply missing his teleprompter

Some eye catching images from around the world


Molestor DGP Rathore is the new Indian Idle

Suicide inciting molester DGP SS Rathore has bagged the disgraceful Indian Idle award. In a closely contested battle for the unenviable title, Rathore managed to beat tough contestants such as Satyam’s Ramalingaraju, cowardly moralist Mutalik, Devil’s own son Amar Singh, playboy governor Tiwari and the right hand man of Dawood’s stooge Naresh Goyal, Praful Patel.

The contest lasted for nearly two months with votes coming in from all corners of the world. Indian Idle’s secret jury, comprising of prominent citizens from all walks of life, agreed with the choice of voters and the broad consensus that emerged within no time was a first in the history of Indian Idle. “We didn’t want to see the results this time, as we knew for sure as to who will walk away with the dishonor. There is wide spread anger against this notorious cop, who has not just murdered a innocent, but also subverted the process of justice using evil means to prevent himself from being brought to justice,” a jury member sa…

More minorities want reservation in West Bengal

In what could be termed as a development, one more group havs asked West Bengal government to provide reservation to its members as they are “super minorities”.

The group being referred to here is the Himmesh Reshmiya, Dino Morea and Emran Hashmi (HIDE) fans association.  “We have only four members in our community and are not so well off as all of our members are challenged, when it comes to acting skills. We want the government to extend the benefits of reservation to us, so that we can also become contributing members of the society,” HIDE spokesperson Mahesh Bhatt said.

Mahesh claimed that the HIDE members were not just minorities, but also belonged to a unique stratum of society that desperately needed upliftment. Meanwhile, West Bengal’s minister for minority appeasement, vote bank management and divide and rule politics, Chavvani Das has accepted the request and said that the his government will view the same favorably. “We don’t have any place for talent, acquired skills and …

Terror meet hails Aman ki Asha as a “wonderful project”

A statement issued by Pakistani terrorists on the sidelines of the “Anti-India meet” thanked Times of India and Jung group for launching the “Aman ki Asha” project and urged the Indian government to “lower its guard” so that more terrorists can sneak in and reinforce peace between the two nations.

“The meet takes a special note of the recent peace initiative launched by the Times of India and the Jang group. Such initiatives will help our terror teams launch more strikes on India and will also ensure that our cadres are kept in a state of constant motivation vis-à-vis that country,” the statement said.

 Pakistan watchers in India warn that the next 26-11 is around the corner. “The signs are all there. History has shown this time and again – in 1999, 2001, 2004 and 2008 terror attacks happened as we started talking. Just when the hope for peace appeared on the horizon and the Indian citizen started believing in peace with Pakistan, that nation’s ugly side reared its head. We haven’t l…

The light of freedom video from Doordarshan

Dont know how many of you are aware of this video. This one is also from the Miley Sur days and talks about the spirit of freedom with apt brand ambassadors from the world of sports.  


Breaking news...

India gets ready to talk to Pakistan...Pak promises to reciprocate..."We will gift India another 26-11 soon":Pak Minister * Another first by Australia, a denial comes even before a racist attack. Aussie minister says another attack may happen soon, so better to issue a prepaid denial* Shiv Sena's mouthpiece Samna's readership crosses three, Sena to celebrate by attacking migrants * Inflation soars, government acts, decides to open a commodities museum * It is the official Mutalik Chaddiwala week...

Jamat-ul-dawa announces hike for onsite terrorists

It has been known for a while that Pakistani terrorists in India were a demotivated lot and some of them had even refused to carry out their routine duties due to salary and increment issues. Worried by this trend, the umbrella body of Pakistani terrorists – the Jamat-ul-Dawa (JuD) has finally decided to act to soothe tempers by giving an over the board hike to its terrorists deployed onsite in India. The decision came at the recently concluded “Anti India” meet organized in Pakistan Occupied Kashmir by ISI.

It may be remembered that JuD’s onsite terrorists have been complaining about the soaring prices of essential food commodities for a while now. Some of them had stopped working and threatened to return to Pakistan without finishing their assignments, if a hike was not given. “I couldn’t afford vegetables and common food items and was thriving on instant noodles. I had written to my bosses in Pakistan asking for a hike in pay and increase in the variable component. Though my worklo…

Exclusive images from Pakistani terror meet in PoK

Here are some of the initial pictures from the Yakjaiti-e-Kashmir conference organized by Jamaat-ud-Dawah (JuD) in Pakistan-occupied Kashmir. As you can Pakistanis are pretty serious about whatever they do..

We are here to scare India  Are you scared yet?? We are the wiggi Jehadis

After BT baingan, its now time for the BT neta

After making an unsuccessful attempt to use biotechnology to make pest-resistant brinjals, the Indian government has okayed a proposal to use biotechnology to improve the quality of political leadership in the country.

Noted biotechnologist Dr Hammerschmidst, has been asked to head the project. A veteran in the field, he has done conclusive experiments on 25 generations of rats and figured out a way to improve their leadership skills and transform them into effective visionaries. The experiments could be conducted only after the doc managed to get a restraining order passed on Menaka Gandhi, who was trying hard to scuttle the project.

“The initial bunch that I picked were rats in every sense of the noun. Some of them used to divide their population based on various parameters, while others were busy pitting families against each other. Another bunch used to visit pubs frequented by young teenage rats and attack couples enjoying a cup of cappuccino there and another group used to gro…

The Al Qaeeda awards 2009

The PR division of Al Qaeeda – Al Pr has announced the Al Qaeeda awards for overall terrorism excellence.  The announcement was made through a Bajur-datelined press release issued by the organization on Monday.

The awards, to be given away under various categories, will honor those who have followed various dikats and fatwas issued by the organization. The following are the categories for which male and female terrorists will be honored:

• Best suicide attack
• Best suicide bomber
• Best fatwa
• Best fatwa compliance
• Best threatening video
• Best online community
• Most valued terrorist
• Best shoe bomber
• Best mask
• Most memorable debut
• Mullah of the year

The nominees will be judged by a jury comprising senior management of Al Qaeeda (including Osama) and the event will be sponsored by Pakistani government through its terror wing – the ISI.

Mile shoe mera thumhara

After failing in its mission to create hype around Phir Mile Sur,  Times of India and Sodafone have once again joined hands to ruin the original patriotic song once again.  This time the two commercially-inclined companies have come together to sponsor a song dedicated to those spreading violence, backwardness and hatred in India.

The song called “Miley shoe mera thumhara…toh zoo baney hamara” will feature politicians like Raj Thackeray, Mulayam Singh, Syed Ahmed Bukhari, Pramod Mutalik, N D Tiwari, Maoists, Madhu Koda etc will showcase the worst of India.  “This song is dedicated to all those who want to fool the people of India, create communal disharmony and use politics to meet their own greedy ends. After our initial project to ruin the original song succeeded, we thought we should give it another shot and create a sequel to Phir Mile Sur called Mile Sur reloaded” a Times of India source told this blogger.

Mile Sur reloaded will be shot at various locations including jails and hi…