Taliban to organize international marathon in Swat valley
In a move designed to declare their complete control over Swat in Pakistan, the Taliban has decided to organize an international marathon in the valley. The marathon, to be organized in the first week of February, will feature terrorists from over 30 countries.
Al Qaeeda has already agreed to sponsor the event and sent terrorists from its affiliates. “We have also asked ISI to participate; after all ISI is our mother organization. We are not clear as to who the father is and will get back to you as soon as we find that out,” a self styled spokesperson for Taliban said in Bajaur on Friday.
The marathon will allow participants to blow themselves up at various points and there will be prizes for the best self detonation attempt. “These guys can also take a shot at various historic monuments along the scenic marathon route.There will be extra points for guys who blow up historic stuff while running. Which is why we will be providing each runner with enough ammo,” the spokesperson said.
Interestingly, a majority of the initial participants who have registered for the run are deserters from the Pak army, police and local administration. “This will be the biggest goon marathon ever. We have asked Osama’s son Osama Jr. to flag the rally off. The bigger attraction will be a marathon for donkeys which will be held an hour later. This one will be flagged off by Pakistan’s mis-information minister as most of the participants belong to his clan,” the spokesperson disclosed.
The winner will get a chance to meet Osama in his posh cave and have a donkey named after him. He will also get a chance to air a threatening video which will be broadcast by the Al Jazz Era network. The winner of the donkey marathon will be inducted into the Pakistani government in a senior position.
Al Qaeeda has already agreed to sponsor the event and sent terrorists from its affiliates. “We have also asked ISI to participate; after all ISI is our mother organization. We are not clear as to who the father is and will get back to you as soon as we find that out,” a self styled spokesperson for Taliban said in Bajaur on Friday.
The marathon will allow participants to blow themselves up at various points and there will be prizes for the best self detonation attempt. “These guys can also take a shot at various historic monuments along the scenic marathon route.There will be extra points for guys who blow up historic stuff while running. Which is why we will be providing each runner with enough ammo,” the spokesperson said.
Interestingly, a majority of the initial participants who have registered for the run are deserters from the Pak army, police and local administration. “This will be the biggest goon marathon ever. We have asked Osama’s son Osama Jr. to flag the rally off. The bigger attraction will be a marathon for donkeys which will be held an hour later. This one will be flagged off by Pakistan’s mis-information minister as most of the participants belong to his clan,” the spokesperson disclosed.
The winner will get a chance to meet Osama in his posh cave and have a donkey named after him. He will also get a chance to air a threatening video which will be broadcast by the Al Jazz Era network. The winner of the donkey marathon will be inducted into the Pakistani government in a senior position.
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