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Showing posts from May, 2008

Kya aap hamarey neta sey tez hain?

In tune with the recent trend of testing the average citizen for various skillsets, a new reality show will take off next week. This show, christened Scaretell presents Kya Aap Hamarey Neta Sey Tez Hain (KAHNSTH), will test the political skills of ordinary citizens.

The show, to be aired on primetime national television, will be hosted by the one and only (thank god for that) neta Lallo Prasad. Each participant has to clear various levels and reach the final level (becoming PM of the country). The individual levels, starting from the Panchayat to the PM, will test the political acumen of each contestant. Bribes gathered by the player will fetch him points. At level one (village level), the dude will have to chalk out a strategy to clear a local project by extracting the mandatory bribe from the local contractor, without getting caught.

At the state level, he will then have to get a public works project cleared in his constituency, again without attracting the attention of nosy journa…

Dr. Priety’s miracle hug

An innovative model of efficiency has sprung up from the recently concluded IPL. Experts from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology came down to Mohali recently to study this exciting phenomenon that has transformed an otherwise ordinary team into match winners.

At the center of this transformation is an experiment run by Dr. Priety, the owner cum mentor of the Finks XI team. Tired of getting average performances from her team, she devised a new method to turn things around. In the initial days, she began hugging the
captain of her side and voila, the team started performing like champions almost overnight. Gradually as the days progressed, hugs were also rationed off to other members and the dosage increased, as the competition got tougher. In the last few days of IPL, the captain was promoted from hugs to kisses.

The MIT team, lead by Dr. Hammerschmidt, is simply baffled by the success of the experiment. “I have been here for just three days and already feel the power of her hu…

Meet more animals from the Indian Premier League

Continuing with where we left last time, we introduce some more animals from IPL.

Preitycus hugeveryoneis: commonly called the serial hugger, this creature is being studied for its strange powers to make its group members perform with a simple hug. The surprising part is that its mate does not receive any hugs from it. It is known to hunt in the grasslands of Finks XI and jump once every 3 seconds without actually knowing what has happened.

Nessicus Wadis: common name: the invisible frowner. Is found trailing Preitycus everywhere and spots a distinct lost look on its face every time. Is not known to display emotions in public but many scientists have managed to observe a faint frown, each time Preitycus doles out a liberal hug. This frown has not been captured on film yet.

Vijaymallis Moolah: commonly called perennial grumbler, this creature is a known power center in the IPL food chain. It is often seen enjoying the company of females and is known to whine once every 24 hours. The whini…

Lallo's hollywood debut

Lallo Prasad has finally made it to Hollywood. He makes his much-awaited debut in this action thriller directed by John Boo.

Silverlight

Staring Lallo Prasad, Nicole Kidman, Harbhajan Swing and Free Shanth

In this caper, Lallo is an American Indian research head at the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) in Pentagon. His team is tasked with developing an advanced guidance system for preventing Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles from interception. Shrouded in extreme secrecy, only the top brass of Pentagon are aware of this high priority project code named Theater High Altitude Area Offense (THAT).

Unknown to Lallo, Russian spies have zeroed in on the project and want to get their hands on the system and its codes. To achieve this, they team up with a rogue Russian oil tycoon, Boris Zirconovsky, who has contacts not only within Russian mafia, but also within the Pentagon. Boris gets his men to get two of Lallo’s colleagues killed and he is charged with their murder. Howev…

Meet the animals of Indian Premier League

Today, we take you through the jungles of IPL and introduce some of the exotic animals that lurk here.

Bhajjicus Paajies: Also called as the slapping spinner, this animal is a known trouble maker. Under distress, it makes strange noises to ward off its opponent. If this doesn’t work, it extends its arm forward and places its fingers firmly on the cheek of its rival. BP is threatened by its own aggressive behavior and may be extinct soon, if does not mend its ways.

Andrewcus Symondis: is often called the limestone monkey. This animal is commonly found lurking in the deccan dischargers area of IPL. A unsightly white mark near its mouth is the distinguishing feature of this creature. AS revels in mocking opponents, but it’s acts often go undetected, thanks to the white mark around its mouth, which makes it hard to tell if it is talking, abusing or simply breathing.

Sreeshanthis Dramatis: also called as the dancing joker, SD is anything but gentle. It enjoys taunting its opponents and go…

A truely Indian superhero :)

Slapping cricketers, soaring fuel prices, neighborhood banana republic nibbling at our territory, preaching health ministers and what not. The Indian superhero, so far embedded deep within our subconscious has finally surfaced. Move over stupor man, bathman and spy-darr man...the first Indian super hero is here.

Pacman is a true Indian superhero. He works as a manager in a logistics firm in the morning and fights crime during night. His greatest weapon, the debate, is what he uses to disarm his opponents. Be it the Chinese, the aussies, bhajji or steve bucknor, pacman has made all these names eat out of his hand. Whenever he spots a crime or anti-national activity, Pacman challenges the perpetrators to a round of debate on live national television . He then tires them with endless arguments, forcing them to give up.

Pacman is ably supported in all his adventures by the super spiritual mantra-chanting Bhaktiman, his sidekick. Bhaktiman's greatest power is his knowledge of over 2000 d…

bhootnath bhajji prasad

The much maligned Bhajji and Sree Shanth make their bollywood debut in this caper that can at the best be described as an amateur movie.

The movie is set in an ancient fort near Pune. Bhajji, the ghost of a dead sailor, is a permanent resident here. A naughty ghost, bhajji gets his kicks from frightening tourists.

The trouble beings when one day a college picnic team including shree shanth vists the fort. Bhajji tries to do his usual tricks on sree and team, but fails to do so. Instead sree takes over and needles the ghost. He even mocks bhajji and starts dancing like a snake on steroids. The frustrated ghost in a fit of anger slaps shree shanth. To make matters worse the ghurkha of the fort (steve bucknor) witnesses the whole event.

Bhajji then assembles his gang of ghosts and declares war on Sree shanth and team. But unknown to bhajji is the fact that sree is actually an alien from the zorcon galaxy. He is here with an agenda of his own. He wants to kidnap Bangalore royal challen…

Indian Panga League

The Indian cricket board is planning to launch a new league on the lines of the Indian Premier League in the next half of this year. The new body, to be called the Indian Panga League, will blend the excitement of cricket with violent theatrics of wrestling. This announcement was made at a press conference arranged by the board yesterday.

The Panga league will have teams comprising of cricketers, pro wrestlers and even politicians. Every team will have a mix of these "professionals" in a ratio to be fixed by the board. Slapping, kicking, punching, cursing and all forms of unacceptable behavior will be permitted on the field.

Every match will be divided into two halves; in the first half spanning 10 overs the rival teams will play a round of cricket (5 overs per team). During these overs, a chosen player from the fielding side will needle the opposition players and raise a tantrum if decisions don’t go in their favor. In the second half, this player will be challenged to a fre…