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Showing posts from 2007

More moles per litre

As Jaswant Singh gets caught in a fresh controversy, our correspondent Doorknob Ghostsawme meets the former external affairs minister and gets the low down on his latest adventure. As usual, the mole man had a few familiar culprits to blame for the whole hullabaloo.


DG: What’s this we hear about your serving drugs to your guests?

JS: mumble mumble mumble mumble mumble

DG: sorry, forgot to put on the JS mumble translator. (Switches on device)Yeah, now could you please repeat what you just said?

JS: I said we were just having a rave party, if that's a crime. We all have parties at our place so what’s the big deal if we had served a few cracks?

DG: you serve cocaine and you say that you didn’t do any crime?

JS: I never served cocaine. I just said I served cracks. By crack I mean some crack legislators, who were not ready to support my son’s claim to be the future CM of Rajasthan.

DG: So how did the whole thing become such a big controversy?

JS: I know that this was the handy work of a …

Dangers of flying and air safety concerns

One near miss over Delhi airport every month

DGCA: 18 air misses since January 2007 (till November)

May, 2007: A Jet Airways and a SpiceJet aircraft narrowly miss each other over Mumbai skies at 18,000 feet

Oct 2007: More than 200 passengers of a SpiceJet flight headed for Goa had a narrow escape at Delhi airport when the pilot was asked to abort the takeoff after another plane was spotted on the same runway.
What’s going wrong in our airports? Poor infrastructure, resource crunch, ill-equipped staff? Pronoy Coy and Burkha Dutt managed to corner Mr. A R Poth, Director DGCA for a frank interview on the issue.

PC: The nation wants to know what’s the problem with our airports. Why are so many near misses happening and what are you doing about it?

AP: Pronoy, don’t raise you BP calm down, chill and relax. You see near misses are not a problem; only when a crash happens, you need to worry.

PC: You mean that you will swing into action only after a crash? Do you have any idea of how many lives you…

Chinese at it again

The commies Chinese are at again. Dismantling our bunkers, preventing the construction of roads near the border and issuing demarches to Indian companies. Rajcreep catches up with General Yukk Thoo Chee Chief of the Peoples Liberation Army of China to find out what is happening.

Rajcreep: now what is the problem? Your army is holding joint exercises with the Indian Army and you guys are targeting our infrastructure here. What’s the logic may I ask?

YTC: there’s absolutely no logic here. We go by what our bosses in Beijing tell us to do. If you have any problems with that I cannot help. Besides, we Chinese have this constant need to rub someone the wrong way. Most often we do it to our own people through detention camps and slave labour but every now and then we get tired of harassing our own people so we try it out on our neighbors.

Rajcreep: you guys are big bullies. China is recognized as a country that wishes to dominate the region and suppress the aspirations of its citizens. Aren’t …

Top blogs of 2007*

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Benazir on Toffee with Taran

Benazir on Toffee with Taran Tonight on Toffee with Taran, the only and only Pakistani drama queen Benazir Futto joins the show. In this exclusive interview, Benazir speaks about politics in Pukistan, her future plans and of course her excellent knowledge of the nuances of Urdu. Taran: Many thanks for joining us mam. So how is the situation in Pakistan now?Benazir: Manyien demands kuboool kiye gaye hain, date of elections diya gaya hai, emergency khatm kee gayee hai...emergency khatm karne ka date diya gaya hai... Yeh bahut significant acceptance hai," Hum ein elections mein play kareingey and winenge. Taran: Can we have this interview in English please?Benazir: Oh, sorry for a second I thought I was on Jiyo TV. Taran: You seem to have the best of both worlds. On one hand you are hobnobbing with a tin pot two penny dictator and on the other you are criticizing him. Care to you explain your stand?Benazir: There no need to explain anything. We are on the side of democracy and b…

The most-hated Indian

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Indian Idle gets underwayThe race is one to crown India’s least wanted character(s). The Indian Idle, a contest to determine the nation’s most-hated and loathed people kicked off in a grand fashion in the capital yesterday.This year’s edition brings together some of the most despicable and devilish creatures, the likes of which have brought much shame to the country. These are pests, jerks and freaks who the country hopes would stay idle for the betterment of the nation. The winner gets a one-way deportation ticket to Timbuktu and his Indian passport is revoked in a public ceremony.

As usual, even this year there is a commie at the helm of the rat race. With his undying loyalty towards his Chinese paymasters, Prakash Carrot AKA puky carrot is said to be the front runner for the award. He has done his best to scuttle the nuke deal, use armed bandits to kill innocents in Bengal, preach his pre-stone age commie theories and of course prevent the Indian government from doing anything good.…
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Rome Shanti Rome Movie review: *** 1/2A tale of rebirth, patriotism and unbound love…sums up this new movie. It has all the elements of a potboiler with a intellectual hero, a evil villain and a fumbling joker thrown in. The movie begins with a desperate Manmohan in the last leg of his political career trying to push a vital deal for the nation’s energy security. He is stopped in tracks by a evil Chinese sponsored villain called Karat. The villain and his Chinese cronies scuttle the deal and have Manmohan removed from his post and the PM simply fades away into the pages of history as a man who couldn’t. Next the movie fast forwards to the year 2043. BJP has formed a coalition government with the commies and are again on the verge of signing a new nuke deal. The 143 year-old Karat, who is now older than the oldest turtle, once again attempts to stall the deal. Manmohan is now reborn as Mac, the lead singer of a rock band. During one of his performances at a rock concert, he starts gett…
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Tags:Kapil Sibal, is spearheading the nuke bachao moment for UPA government. From speaking in hushed tones to threatening commies, Kapil has been there and done that. In this candid interview with our nuke correspondent U R A Niyam, Kapil squeals in a few interesting details on some of the backroom discussions that Congress had with the commies.UN: First of all you seem to be extraordinarily passionate about the 123 agreement…KS: I am in fact I was obsessed with 123 since my school days as I used to get those numbers frequently in my exams. Later during my professional days I used to fleece clients within just three minutes. UN: is it true that you had a fight with Prakash Carrot? KS: It was a minor disagreement that's all…UN: you ended up calling Carrot “uncle” and you say nothing happened. KS: you see I tried convincing him on many occasions but he was adamant. Finally I told him…”hey uncle, the UPA wants to implement the nuke …
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Tags:Kapil Sibal, is spearheading the nuke bachao moment for UPA government. From speaking in hushed tones to threatening commies, Kapil has been there and done that. In this candid interview with our nuke correspondent U R A Niyam, Kapil squeals in a few interesting details on some of the backroom discussions that Congress had with the commies.UN: First of all you seem to be extraordinarily passionate about the 123 agreement…KS: I am in fact I was obsessed with 123 since my school days as I used to get those numbers frequently in my exams. Later during my professional days I used to fleece clients within just three minutes. UN: is it true that you had a fight with Prakash Carrot? KS: It was a minor disagreement that's all…UN: you ended up calling Carrot “uncle” and you say nothing happened. KS: you see I tried convincing him on many occasions but he was adamant. Finally I told him…”hey uncle, the UPA wants to implement the nuke …

Farewell Dr. Kalam

Dear Dr. Kalam, Almost five years ago you stepped into the Rastrapathi bhavan and we all knew that you are going to bring in a new wave of optimism into our hearts and minds. Yes and indeed you lived up to our expectation and inspired every Indian irrespective of caste, creed or religion to rise upto the challenge of building a new India in by the year 2020.
We all share your vision today and are working hard in various fields to realize this dream that we all share. Also an entire generation is growing up which is inspired by you and your ideals. Thanks to you, not only will this century be ours, but also the new millennia and many more to come. When the sun shines tomorrow, its rays will shine brightest on India. We are already speeding on the highway of progress and there is nothing that can stop us from achieving our goal. The seeds of hope are already sown and generations down the line will reap the harvest. The real impact of your tenure will be felt in the years to come. You …

Most awaited movies

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The most awaited movies in 2007Psychedelic: staring Lallo Yadav and Nicole kidman After a brief hiatus, lallo returns to the big screen with a movie that has both critics and lallo fans exited alike. In this caper, lallo is depicted as an NRI scientist working for a special FBI cell which looks into unsolved mysteries, attributed to creatures from outer space. Lallo’s life changes one day when a real alien is caught and brought in for questioning by agents. Lallo finds out that some of his bosses along with some rogue FBI agents were planning to sell the alien to a billionaire Russian oil tycoon Boris Zircononskvy. Lallo decides to expose the racket and take on the FBI biggies and the might of the Russian tycoon. He is aided in this mission by Nicole Kidman who is a scientist from NASA on deputation to this FBI cell. Nicole joins Lallo in this endeavor and together they set of on this roller coaster ride, escaping FBI agents, paid media guys and henchmen of Boris. The move has been sh…

breaking news: India to sterilize politicians

From Bhakra Dutt,
Managing Editor,
www.prayukth.co.nr
New Delhi: in what could described as a move to cleanse the nation of criminals, hoarders, cheats and evil people, the Indian government has announced that it will be sterilizing all politicians, irrespective of political affiliation. The long-awaited move has been welcomed by all sections of society and many analysts and policy watchers have hailed the decision as a historic one. The recent involvement of some MPs in human trafficking has been seen by the government as the last straw in a long chain of evil misdeeds committed by politicians. It may be recollected that the Chimmen Lal committee set up by government to improve the political conscience of the nation had recommended this as a priority action item. The committee in its 1200 page report had equated politicians with stray dogs and said that both were fast becoming a nuisance to public and needed to be eliminateddeported soon. It had said that the moral degradation of Indian…

Shocking link: Woolmer's death and India's defeat

Ok guys here is the shocking story
Way back in Feb, when the Indian and Pak guys heard that Shakira is going to perform in Mumbai, and realized that the schedule for the world cup was clashing with the divas performance, a clever plot was hatched by the powers that be from both sides of the border. At a secret meeting in London, the team members decided to tank their matches and fly back as soon as possible. The idea was to fly back to India from London by March 25, 2007 and attend the show. Both team members had confirmed bookings for the journey (from London and the show) (under assumed names). Unfortunately, the only guy who was not in on this was bob woolmer. Infact the guys were so exited that many of them did not even open their luggage completely. Others were seen searching for chemist shops for stocking on glycerine and started practicing the glum look we all saw that day.
And apparently, Bob Woolmer, after the Ireland match, overheard an exited pak player (in the hotel lobby)…

Shocking link: Woolmer's death and India's defeat

Ok guys here is the shocking story
Way back in Feb, when the Indian and Pak guys heard that Shakira is going to perform in Mumbai, and realized that the schedule for the world cup was clashing with the divas performance, a clever plot was hatched by the powers that be from both sides of the border. At a secret meeting in London, the team members decided to tank their matches and fly back as soon as possible. The idea was to fly back to India from London by March 25, 2007 and attend the show. Both team members had confirmed bookings for the journey (from London and the show) (under assumed names). Unfortunately, the only guy who was not in on this was bob woolmer. Infact the guys were so exited that many of them did not even open their luggage completely. Others were seen searching for chemist shops for stocking on glycerine and started practicing the glum look we all saw that day.
And apparently, Bob Woolmer, after the Ireland match, overheard an exited pak player (in the hotel lobby)…

Air Deccan Vs passngers

Simplifleece
After listening to many tales of customer harassment by one of the nation's cheapest airlines, we decided to conduct an in-depth investigation. Our reporters Bhakra Hutt and Arnab Ghostsawme, posing as passengers, were thrown out even before they could even board the plane. This was done inspite of the fact that they had valied tickets. When Arnab threatened to take the airline to court, he was mocked by the staff of crew of the airline. One of them even joked about the surname of Arnab. This airline seems to have made a habit of throwing passengers out inspite of having confirmed tickets. Armed with all the requisite evidence, these reporters confronted the Managing Disaster of Air Dhakkan, Topinath and managed to extract some shocking info. Here's the interview.

For readers, just to know how this is done, here's the process. After you check in, your baggage is screened. The staff manning the screening wing have already been instructed by Dhakkan to slow down …

Hutch sale draws phisaddi

Phisaddi eying Hutch Out to teach the big players, 'a lesson' New Delhi: In a move that could add a new dimension to the ongoing tussle for controlling Hutchison-Essar, local pan tycoon Phisaddi Lal has submitted a non-binding bid for gaining a controlling stake in the venture. This was communicated to the Bhootnath Stock Exchange, in a company announcement released by Phisaddi and sons early morning today. The Phisaddi group, which has interests in Banarasi pan, roadside langot and juice joint business around the national capital, is the latest entrant in the ongoing war to gain control over what has been rated as the third biggest player in the Indian cellular market. Sodafone, Reliance, Hindujas and the Chuiyas, are currently the key contenders for Hutchison's stake in Hutchison-Essar.The company has already begun due diligence on the venture. A team of 7 executives from the firm has flown in to Mumbai for carrying the negotiations forward. Jhumrithalaiya-based legal f…

Hutch sale draws phisaddi

Phisaddi eying Hutch Out to teach the big players, 'a lesson' New Delhi: In a move that could add a new dimension to the ongoing tussle for controlling Hutchison-Essar, local pan tycoon Phisaddi Lal has submitted a non-binding bid for gaining a controlling stake in the venture. This was communicated to the Bhootnath Stock Exchange, in a company announcement released by Phisaddi and sons early morning today. The Phisaddi group, which has interests in Banarasi pan, roadside langot and juice joint business around the national capital, is the latest entrant in the ongoing war to gain control over what has been rated as the third biggest player in the Indian cellular market. Sodafone, Reliance, Hindujas and the Chuiyas, are currently the key contenders for Hutchison's stake in Hutchison-Essar.The company has already begun due diligence on the venture. A team of 7 executives from the firm has flown in to Mumbai for carrying the negotiations forward. Jhumrithalaiya-based legal f…