The commic interview
Everybody loves to hate communists (commies). According to available statistics, commies are not only the most hated party but are also considered as one with the maximum number of idle brains who know nothing but to criticise everything. Someone somewhere curses a commie every 55 seconds in India. In this backdrop, our very own Rajcreep Soredayseye caught with the topmost commie Secretary Procash Carrot in a free throwing interview. Carrot puked in a few details on how his party is run and why is supporting the UP(M)A government at the centre.
RS: How does it feel to be the most hated party in India?
PC: I am thrilled and excited by this news. You see this is the culmination of years of unpopular decisions that we have taken.
RS: You mean you are happy with all this?
PC: Yes of course. You see India always elects parties that are unpopular. For 50 yrs cong ruled India as the most hated party. They were kicked out by the then unacceptable BJP. Now the Cong is back as the most hated party. So this means that we may finally form a Government at the centre next time.
RS: WHy are you supporting the UP(M)A Govt at the centre. You dont seem to agree on anything with them..be it the Indo-US deal, disinvestment, foreign policy etc. Can you name one thing that you have in common with Congress?
PC: Oh yes we hate them and they hate us and thats why we are supporting them. You see opposites attract and thats the reason you see us together. In fact in our meetings, we use the worst filthy language against each other. We abuse each other and even indulge in wrestling matches. We hate each other completely and disagree on everything. You see when you disagree on everything, then there is nothing left to discuss, debate or fight on so thats how this Government is still surviving. It will fall as soon as we agree on something.
RS: But you dont like the BJP either so why didnt you approach them for forming a Government?
PC: No we hate communal parties. You see we dont believe in the concept of god and we believe in doing all possible crimes and exiting. The BJP is the complete opposite of this aligning with them may have some unwanted influence on our cadres.
RS: And what could that be?
PC: For one, the comrades may start believing in the concept of god.
RS: Why do you hate the concept of god?
PC: You see for all of us we already have god for example for us commies, China is the land of spiritualism..they represent god for us. Besides that we have another god in the politbureau so we have so many gods already so whats the need for another?
RS: Many accuse commies of being non patriotic..
PC: we are totally patriotic.....towards China
RS: Many hate Commies because of your proximity to our main enemy china..comment!
PC: That is ridiculous you see china is such a peace loving country. They may have their missiles pointed towards India. But that is to protect India...
RS: What??
PC: Yes you see in case the US attacks India, china will protect us..
RS: thats the worst argument I have ever seen
PC: true sometimes even I find it hard to buy...(giggles). But even then they have our interests in mind..(laughs uncontrollably)
RS: who are you trying to fool here...China is and will always be our enemy.
PC: yeah but then you can sometimes love your enemies right...especially when they pay you...
RS: Oh that explains it. SO your pay masters are the chinese right? That explains why you want to protect chinese investments here..
PC: No thats not true..china is only one of them we also get paid from Cuba, Venezuela and even north korea.
RS: come on Mr carrot..other than china all other nations are not exactly in a position to fund you..
PC: yes thats why I said china is our top paymaster and we obey whatever they say. In fact when we go to beijing, we even do menial chores for the top Polit bureau members there. You see we are very loyal to our paymasters.
RS: what do the north koreans give you??
PC: they send some strange drawings on which its is written blueprint for Nodong missile. Frequently they also send some funny looking rockets. Since we dont celebrate diwali, I often gift them to my naxal friends..who often use them in a very peaceful manner. Venezula had offered to send a million barrels of crude oil every month but we rejected it saying that they should send it to china instead as that nation needs it more than India.
RS: This is shameful, why dont you go and settle down in china if you like them so much?
PC: we would have but you see we have to take care of chinas interests here so we cannot go as of now.
RS: Coming to your foreign policy, you are supporting Iran in its nuclear ambitions but dont want India to do the same..
PC: Hey Iran pays us...(ooops) please delete that statement. I mean to say that Iran is doing all the nuke work for peaceful reasons. While India does not have peaceful intentions.
RS: How do you say that?
PC: A former defense minister had said that china is India's no 1 enemy and India may use this bomb against our paymasters...thats bad.
RS: for all the things that you say in favor of china, the children of many commies are studying in US..
PC: Hey our children have to get the best education you see..thats why.
RS: Ok lets leave that aside..you are against dynastic politics..but how come you always seem to promote your wife Mrs carrot for all political roles? Isnt she a political novice?
PC: Hey its not like she was part of my family throughout my life you see...I didnt even know here before marriage so dont say such things..
To be continued..
RS: How does it feel to be the most hated party in India?
PC: I am thrilled and excited by this news. You see this is the culmination of years of unpopular decisions that we have taken.
RS: You mean you are happy with all this?
PC: Yes of course. You see India always elects parties that are unpopular. For 50 yrs cong ruled India as the most hated party. They were kicked out by the then unacceptable BJP. Now the Cong is back as the most hated party. So this means that we may finally form a Government at the centre next time.
RS: WHy are you supporting the UP(M)A Govt at the centre. You dont seem to agree on anything with them..be it the Indo-US deal, disinvestment, foreign policy etc. Can you name one thing that you have in common with Congress?
PC: Oh yes we hate them and they hate us and thats why we are supporting them. You see opposites attract and thats the reason you see us together. In fact in our meetings, we use the worst filthy language against each other. We abuse each other and even indulge in wrestling matches. We hate each other completely and disagree on everything. You see when you disagree on everything, then there is nothing left to discuss, debate or fight on so thats how this Government is still surviving. It will fall as soon as we agree on something.
RS: But you dont like the BJP either so why didnt you approach them for forming a Government?
PC: No we hate communal parties. You see we dont believe in the concept of god and we believe in doing all possible crimes and exiting. The BJP is the complete opposite of this aligning with them may have some unwanted influence on our cadres.
RS: And what could that be?
PC: For one, the comrades may start believing in the concept of god.
RS: Why do you hate the concept of god?
PC: You see for all of us we already have god for example for us commies, China is the land of spiritualism..they represent god for us. Besides that we have another god in the politbureau so we have so many gods already so whats the need for another?
RS: Many accuse commies of being non patriotic..
PC: we are totally patriotic.....towards China
RS: Many hate Commies because of your proximity to our main enemy china..comment!
PC: That is ridiculous you see china is such a peace loving country. They may have their missiles pointed towards India. But that is to protect India...
RS: What??
PC: Yes you see in case the US attacks India, china will protect us..
RS: thats the worst argument I have ever seen
PC: true sometimes even I find it hard to buy...(giggles). But even then they have our interests in mind..(laughs uncontrollably)
RS: who are you trying to fool here...China is and will always be our enemy.
PC: yeah but then you can sometimes love your enemies right...especially when they pay you...
RS: Oh that explains it. SO your pay masters are the chinese right? That explains why you want to protect chinese investments here..
PC: No thats not true..china is only one of them we also get paid from Cuba, Venezuela and even north korea.
RS: come on Mr carrot..other than china all other nations are not exactly in a position to fund you..
PC: yes thats why I said china is our top paymaster and we obey whatever they say. In fact when we go to beijing, we even do menial chores for the top Polit bureau members there. You see we are very loyal to our paymasters.
RS: what do the north koreans give you??
PC: they send some strange drawings on which its is written blueprint for Nodong missile. Frequently they also send some funny looking rockets. Since we dont celebrate diwali, I often gift them to my naxal friends..who often use them in a very peaceful manner. Venezula had offered to send a million barrels of crude oil every month but we rejected it saying that they should send it to china instead as that nation needs it more than India.
RS: This is shameful, why dont you go and settle down in china if you like them so much?
PC: we would have but you see we have to take care of chinas interests here so we cannot go as of now.
RS: Coming to your foreign policy, you are supporting Iran in its nuclear ambitions but dont want India to do the same..
PC: Hey Iran pays us...(ooops) please delete that statement. I mean to say that Iran is doing all the nuke work for peaceful reasons. While India does not have peaceful intentions.
RS: How do you say that?
PC: A former defense minister had said that china is India's no 1 enemy and India may use this bomb against our paymasters...thats bad.
RS: for all the things that you say in favor of china, the children of many commies are studying in US..
PC: Hey our children have to get the best education you see..thats why.
RS: Ok lets leave that aside..you are against dynastic politics..but how come you always seem to promote your wife Mrs carrot for all political roles? Isnt she a political novice?
PC: Hey its not like she was part of my family throughout my life you see...I didnt even know here before marriage so dont say such things..
To be continued..
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